The scene that shocked me at the Gopo awards. The minute a parent crushes his child in public, in the laughter of the room

Invited to the Gopo awards on Tuesday night, actor Claudiu Bleonț used part of the time allocated to a laudatio to director Dan Pița to humiliate his daughter, on stage. She had come with her to be proud, but all she said about her was that she did not like the “unleashes” with which she dressed, that she warned her not to make him “shit”, that those in the room were not “as fools” on the phone at her age and, finally, she does not have the cognitive capacity to understand you. And from time to time the room was applauding and laughing.

Holding the little girl behind her shoulders, Claudiu Bleonț said: “She chose her shoes, I didn't like it. I said,” Don't do me to shit, say something, shut up, you are another generation, I don't support you. “He took Selly, Tudor Giurgiu.raise his voice), they did school, they don't stay like fools on the phone and that. Reading, culture! (To the room.) Hears, but he does not understand anything. “

The scene can be seen from 3:18:00:

The little girl had remained a stone tin, as a child overwhelmed with shame, stupor, misunderstanding and guilt. A child is confused and guilty when he does not understand the parent's behavior, especially when he is cold and hot in the same context.

No matter how common the parent's joke style, the child feels when the fun starts to paste. The stingy smile of the child for the first time on a stage froze when the parent began to thicken his shoe into it.

Of the few reactions that we have available in a danger situation-to fight, to flee, to block, to gather in other people, to try to dominate the aggressor, to react emotionally or to escape through a fainting, the little girl reacted in the most typical way.

She remained targeted and expressionless, wanting to make a hole under the stage and disappear there not to hear the words of the father and see that there are people laughing at the scene of her humiliation.

We are waiting for parents to protect us, not to devalue us

I'm afraid he'll never forget this moment. And not just because her father devalued her (maybe it's not the first time), but because she saw everyone. I know that such wounds remain because I went through that. I was about 8 years old when I went with my mother to the pharmacy and wanted to ask for chlorocalcin. I repeated in my head “chlorocalcin” until I arrived in front of the pharmacist where, ashamed, I blocked. The fact that my mother had patience and did not help me remember, and even snapped and said something like: “Leave it, that she doesn't know”, made me feel even worse. I was waiting to protect me, not to devalue me.

I felt so stupid that even today it happens to me to forget in front of the pharmacist what I want to buy. And this is a minor incident, they didn't see hundreds of people.

I am convinced that my mother did not realize that she was hurting me, as I am convinced that many parents do not realize that their good intentions transmitted in an inappropriate way. And it ruins deep because it erodes self -esteem and the sense of safety that a child must receive from parents (or from those who raise them) in order to be able to function later autonomous and integral.

Let's get into the other's slippers

Maybe people think bullying is something that is just going on between classmates. But children who humiliate their colleagues are most often humiliated by their parents. Not being able to vent his anger at home, I take her to school.

By increasing, they will continue to operate on power relationships in which they need to impose themselves and, if they have not had the chance of awareness, they will be downloaded to their own children or anyone who is devoid of defense – and who actually reminds them of them. (They are angry and themselves that they could not defend themselves.)

Many of the parents who humiliate their children in public have also been humiliated by their parents, and if we say that in such situations we keep with children, let us not forget that in such a parent, who is not emotionally balanced, there is a humiliated child, who needs to heal.

What to do? First of all we should put ourselves in the slippers of the other.

I have no intention to make public shaming but we need to understand

So let's imagine how to feel Claudiu Bleonț's daughter last night:

“She chose her sting, I didn't like it.” – I feel devalued and unaccepted. He doesn't like how I dress, so I'm not at his level (a successful actor). Strange, I liked these clothes and I felt good in them until I told me. Nothing I do.

“Not to make me shit, say something, shut up in the mouth, you are another generation, I do not support you” – Nothing I do is not good enough and does not like it. If he says he doesn't support me, he doesn't love me and I'm a burden to him. I would better not have been born. I have to shut up to like them. I have to become invisible. If I open my mouth, I only say nonsense. I'm a fool.

“He took Selly's autograph, Tudor Giurgiu.” -Maybe he's jealous of these people, he may want someone to ask for someone autographmaybe it seems to him that he is not good enough. But what's wrong with the fact that I asked for Selly and Tudor Giurgiu autograph? I don't understand …

“I see things differently” – Even if I see things differently, it is still not good because I can't make you accept me as I am. In fact, even if I saw them like you, I don't think you would accept me. Strange, sometimes I feel like you love me, but then tell me something bad or tell me laughing, and I don't understand anything. Everything is very complicated, I don't even know how to behave.

“Well, think that all the people in this room have read enormously, have done school, do not stand like fools on the phone and so. Reading, culture!” – Nothing I do is good. Even if I like to sit on the phone, I also take good grades at school, but I see that it doesn't arrive. I strive to take good grades just to please you, and it's still not good.

“He hears, but he doesn't understand anything.” – I am stupid, I can't understand anything about what I am told. Sure is something wrong with me. Why would people love me if my dad thinks I'm not ok and makes me laugh in front of them? I better disappear.

I wrote this text not with the intention of making a public shaming to the parent who humiliated his child under the light of the spotlight. I do not doubt that he does everything he thinks is best for his child. And I'm sure he loves him. But I would like the example he gave and for which today he is likely to be an example for us all.

We do not judge, but to try to understand and direct things on time, until they become tragic or until the evil we do (even without will) will be given by the child further.

The next one does not heal you, on the contrary.