American actress Hayden Panettiere wrote a memoir, “This Is Me: Reckoning,” in which she openly described how it happened that her 11-year-old daughter Kaya Evdokia lives with her father, Ukrainian boxer Vladimir Klitschko. The contents of the book were retold by the People tabloid on May 19.
Panettiere said that her daughter has not lived with her since 2018. Their separation causes her “the most heartbreaking experiences,” including sadness, resentment and anger. According to Klitschko’s ex-fiancee, she is annoyed that she did not become the mother she would like to become, and raising her daughter via video link is an experience that she would not wish anyone to go through. The actress noted that despite such communication, she and her daughter maintained a strong connection and described Kaya as a “talented and wise beyond her years” girl.
According to Panettiere, during pregnancy, doctors, having noticed some abnormalities during an ultrasound, warned her and Klitschko that the child could have microcephaly. In her memoirs, the star also wrote how Klitschko told her about a Ukrainian tradition for good luck, which involved kneeling in front of a tree and praying, clasping it with both hands. A few weeks after this, the couple had a daughter.
The star describes the birth itself as something “the most difficult thing she has ever had to go through” – during a caesarean section, the blood did not clot, and the uterus became infected, which led to a three-hour operation. Emotionally, the consequences were no less devastating.
“I’ve always heard that mothers experience an instant surge of love as soon as they see their child, but I didn’t feel anything,” the actress admitted and added that after that she began to abuse alcohol.
Panettiere remembers pouring herself wine every morning and eventually realizing her addiction was out of control. When Kaya was four months old, she sought help and was diagnosed with postpartum depression. During her recovery, she said the medications she was prescribed to help her cope left her feeling numb and exhausted. This is how she became dependent on clonazepam.
The actress also told how Klitschko told her that he wanted to get full custody of the child.
“I worry about Caillou when she’s with you,” she quoted him as saying.
According to the actress, she decided not to get involved in a lengthy international legal battle for custody of the child, being at that moment in the early stages of recovery. Panettiere added that “no mother can forget a single detail of the day she placed her child in care.”
She admitted that she regrets the breakup of her family with Klitschko, but emphasized that she is in the process of improvement and will never stop developing.
