Grandparents are not the loneliest, but children. “The impact of loneliness is comparable to that of smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day”

We are tempted to think that loneliness sets in late. After a lifetime of loving, raising children, having a full house and then suddenly there is no one left. We imagine her implacable and bound by old age. It is not a fatality or a mark of age, new studies show. She attacks earlier and earlier, and therefore her “victims” and parents have time to fight loneliness, if society becomes aware of it.

• How did the most connected generation of young people in history end up feeling prey to loneliness, through isolation? Because being networked doesn't necessarily mean you feel a sense of belonging.

The “silent epidemic of loneliness” began to be felt more and more – in people's lives and in the reports of doctors around the world. In the year 2023, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, Surgeon General of the USA, emphasized the seriousness of the situation in the suggestive report entitled “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation” (The Loneliness and Isolation Epidemic): one in three Americans is affected by this “epidemic”.

“Loneliness isn't just a bad moment,” he said, “it has real effects on health and the way society functions. Its impact on mortality is comparable to that of smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day—and even greater than obesity or lack of exercise. And in a society where people are increasingly disconnected from each other, we see its effects everywhere: in schools, at work, in communities.”

The novelty is that loneliness is not only intended for those in the second part of life, but it hits young people hard at the beginning of their journey. They sneak into the school yard, high school hallways and student dorm rooms. It insinuates itself unseen into the long evenings lost online, giving scroll after scroll through the images on Insta – “from which only you are missing”.

It's not just a bad pass. It's a public health crisis

When we talk about loneliness, we are tempted to treat it as something that belongs to each person's personality. We call it weakness or a bad pass and tell ourselves (or encourage others) that it will go away on its own. We are not used to looking at loneliness on the same level as health.

And yet, in recent years, the language has changed radically. Doctors no longer talk about loneliness as an emotion, but as a risk factor. In his report, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy called it a public health problem with measurable effects on the body.

Loneliness is associated with an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety and premature death.

“Loneliness is seriously harmful to health” should be written on all the posters in the city, since it is as harmful (or more harmful) than tobacco, obesity or sedentarism, as the results of recent research show us.

The World Health Organization talks about loneliness as a global phenomenon, with a direct impact not only on health, but also on the way societies function. It affects not only individuals but also communities: it decreases social engagement, weakens relationships, erodes trust. All this leads to malfunctions. A society in which large percentages of people are or feel lonely is itself a sick society.

The loneliest are not the old. It's the children themselves

As early as 10 years ago, Sue Bourne, the creator of the BBC documentary “The Age of Loneliness (2016)”, brought alarming figures to the attention of the public. More than a million of Britain's elderly confessed that they had not spoken to anyone for more than a month. But it was not easy for the young people either.

Isabelle, a young 18-year-old student, is one of the central figures of the documentary. She had left her hometown for university, inspired by the big dreams of her youth. He wanted freedom, new friends, he imagined nights wasted in clubs, new projects, new beginnings.

But the first year of college brought him only too oppressive silence and deafening loneliness between the four walls of the dorm room. All of this came with the shame of admitting – at an age when you “should” be fine – that you're not. Not at all.

Contrary to the general myth that accompanies discussions of loneliness, the targets are not necessarily old. Young people (especially teenagers and those in early adulthood) are most affected by the loneliness epidemic. Recent data confirms this shift in perspective.

A 2025 World Health Organization report based on global analyzes of social connectedness shows that between 17% and 21% of 13- to 29-year-olds say they feel lonely, with the highest levels among teenagers. The same report shows that loneliness is more common among young people than among older people, where the percentage drops to around 11–12%.

Almost 50% of young people say they feel lonely

For their part, Washington University researchers analyzed data from eight countries in 2026 and found that nearly one in two 18- to 24-year-olds say they feel lonely, compared to about 30% of adults over 55. While we're tempted to blame the COVID pandemic for this morbid spiral of loneliness, the trend had been around for at least a few decades before.

An international study of one million young people from 38 countries, published in 2025, shows that the level of loneliness among teenagers has been steadily increasing since 2000. In other words, we are not talking about an isolated or very recent phenomenon, but about a structural change, documented on a global scale.

More connected, but more isolated. Because being networked doesn't necessarily mean you feel a sense of belonging

It's a shift in perspective that's hard to accept: the most “connected” generation of all time (children and youth born and raised in the age of social media) is actually one of the loneliest generations.

For teenagers, the spaces where they should feel most comfortable—school, the group of friends—often become the places where they feel loneliness most strongly. Not because there are no people around, but because the sense of belonging is missing.

Don't exaggerate, they really feel alone

Perhaps this is what we need to understand as soon as possible: that teenagers are not just “sensitive” or “dramatizing”, but experience a real, persistent and often invisible form of loneliness.

Research shows that loneliness in adolescence is not necessarily social isolation, but rather the gap between the relationships you have and the ones you need.

In other words, you can have colleagues, friends, be part of all kinds of groups and at the same time feel completely alone. And the COVID pandemic, while it didn't create the problem, amplified it. Isolation, online classes and the breaking of social routine made what was already fragile become visible.

They have friends. Not real connection

We look at them from a distance and their world does not seem to be isolated: the chat is always on, the notifications are buzzing together, they are surrounded by people of the same age and they have every reason to go out of the house. And yet, many of them say they feel alone.

Researchers say this has to do with how relationships have changed. Not necessarily their number, but their quality has changed. Interactions are more frequent but shallower. Communication is constant but rarely deep. The connections are many, but fragile.

Data shows that teenagers who spend more than three hours a day on social media have a significantly higher risk of mental health problems, including anxiety and depression. At the same time, almost half of them admit that they spend too much time online. And that wouldn't be a problem either, if it weren't for the illusion of belonging that social media creates.

Social media gives you the feeling that you have a full life with friends, going out and events in the city. In reality, the researchers say, they function more like a showcase that presents a series of selected, carefully filtered, perfect moments. And for those who already feel isolated, every photo or story becomes a painful confirmation that others are experiencing “something” from which they are obviously excluded.

What happens in the brain of a lonely teenager

The phenomenon already has a name: FOMO (fear of missing out), the fear that others are constantly in a better place, with more interesting people, living a fuller life than yours. And yet, beyond what we see (in others) on screens, the problem is deeper. Adolescence is a time when the brain is extremely sensitive to relationships. Acceptance, belonging, social validation are not “bonuses”, they are basic needs.

Neuroscience research shows that at this stage, the brain becomes much more sensitive to social exclusion and rejection. What for an adult may be a minor inconvenience (a missed conversation, exclusion or non-participation in group activities), for a teenager it can be “the end of the world”.

In addition, loneliness activates mechanisms similar to those of hunger. It's a biological signal: you need connection.

Loneliness brings unhealthy behaviors. And depression

The problem is that, in the absence of real and secure relationships, the brain starts looking for quick reward alternatives: validation, attention, reactions, likes, messages. Anything can give, even for a few seconds, the sensation of being seen.

Dr Livia Tomova, lead author of a study from Cambridge University's Department of Psychology, says their research “shows how sensitive young people are even to very short periods of isolation”. “We found that loneliness significantly increases teenagers' motivation to seek rewards — whether it's more social contact, money, or other forms of satisfaction,” she said.

But these rewards are short-lived. And, more often than not, it doesn't solve the underlying problem. In parallel, there is a clear link between loneliness and mental health.

Adolescents who feel lonely are at greater risk of anxiety and depression, and the two can feed off each other.

This creates a vicious circle that is difficult to overcome. And maybe that's why loneliness at this age is so dangerous: because it's not just a momentary state, it can become a difficult diagnosis.

What parents can do

There is no simple solution to loneliness. There is no quick “cure” or list of steps that works for all children. But there are a few things that matter, and that relate, first of all, to the relationship we build with them.

Perhaps the most difficult thing for us is not to reduce everything to control. Let's not assume that the problem is just “too much phone” or “too much time online.” Often these are symptoms, not causes.

What a teenager is actually looking for is not just companionship, but connection. Let it be seen. Let it be heard. To be taken seriously. That's what psychologists say, that's what children or teenagers say too. Young people want a common denominator with the adults around them.

Being in the same house is not enough, but time spent together without haste, without distractions, without interrogations is needed. Times when the conversation isn't about results, grades, or plans.

Sometimes the most important conversations don't start with direct questions, but with availability. Young people need us to really listen to them.

Because, as many of the testimonies of teenagers show, the problem, most of the time, is that they don't know how to say what they feel. Or that they are afraid of being judged. After all, parents cannot eliminate loneliness from children's lives, but they can make it so that it is not a burden they carry alone. As in a circle of solitude, enclosed in an ocean of great solitude.