From the times when I worked in Belarus, what I remember most is the courage of Belarusian oppositionists who continued their activities despite the threat. What I remember deeply is the meeting with the wives of Belarusian politicians who were sent to prison on the post-election night in December 2010, and the impression made on me by the fact that within literally a dozen or so hours from the arrest of their husbands to the moment of our meeting, all my interlocutors underwent a metamorphosis from politicians' wives to full-fledged, fearless opposition activists.
I saw fear and courage in their eyes at the same time. The courage of Belarusian oppositionists, which – let us add here – is not the opposite of fear, but something that arises despite fear, was something that shaped me to a large extent.
With a view of Poland. Neighbors, Stalin's thumb, Czech debt and the KGBOnet
I believed that I had no moral right to persuade anyone to do anything
When I heard numerous voices in Poland at that time that the Belarusian opposition was not tough enough and that I, as the head of the Polish mission, should encourage Belarusian oppositionists to fight hard against the Lukashenko regime, I was always aware that it is easy to be tough and brave when you have diplomatic immunity or when you are encouraged to be brave while sitting safely in Warsaw. I believed that I had no moral right to persuade anyone to do anything. I was in no danger. The people I was supposed to encourage to take more radical action were already brave. It took courage to risk one's freedom, future, health, and in some cases, life.
When I returned to Poland and started working as a publicist, many times, when I had to pay a certain price for writing against the grain, I had the feeling that I would be a complete coward if, seeing the dissatisfaction on someone's face, I started writing despite myself. I remembered how much my Belarusian friends and acquaintances risked. Then I realized that I had little risk compared to them. Recalling the courage of my Belarusian friends and at the same time seeing the conformism omnipresent in my own country, I wondered how it was possible that once, here, on the Vistula River, people found the courage to overcome fear.
Many times I was filled with contempt for the soldiers of both of our quarreling formations, who lacked and still lack, let us add, basic courage. How is it possible that our Polish MPs and activists and publicists associated with individual formations have so much good advice for the Belarusian opposition, and yet they themselves are afraid – when there is no risk of imprisonment – to speak out with their own voice?
Another dimension of fear
14 years later, while writing about Belarus, I realized that the fear that my friends from the time I worked in Belarus had to overcome was indeed a distant memory. I discovered such deep layers of fear among my interlocutors that compared to those from years ago are nothing. Virtually all those I talked to told me about an almost paralyzing fear, the intensity of which is such that open opposition to Lukashenko today no longer requires courage, but even heroism.
The Belarus that emerges from my conversations is a country whose description requires changing the names, biographical details and, in some cases, even the gender of my characters. The idea is to cover up the tracks and make sure no one realizes who I was really talking to.
When I once wrote about Russia from the time I worked there, I compared the atmosphere prevailing at that time (i.e. in the years 2005-2009) to a symphony in which two melodic lines can be heard – one light and the other disturbing, which, although still in the background, already somehow announces a much more menacing-sounding melody.
Contemporary Belarus and contemporary Russia are, unfortunately, only a dark melody. The conclusion I draw from this makes me think with even greater respect of those who nevertheless find the courage to stand against the regime, but also – before I condemn those who are silent – ask myself how much courage I would find in myself if I were in their place.
