Tricks for memorable, stress-free and more meaningful holidays. Psychotherapist: “Rituals give depth to moments”

In December, gift lists, family meals and social obligations add up quickly and can cause less than pleasant experiences if we don't know how to manage them. For many of us, that feeling of connection with loved ones may remain just an intention. Casper ter Kuile, a specialist in performing rituals, says, quoted by The New York Times, that the solution is not to do more things, but to give them meaning.

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He explains the difference between a custom and a ritual: a custom solves a problem, a ritual adds meaning to it. For example, the habit of putting cream on our face in the morning is useful, but if we use this moment to remember what matters in life, and why we do it, it actually becomes a ritual.

Rituals as emotional anchors in December

Rituals make less visible feelings visible, such as gratitude or awe. They tell a story, mark important moments in life and break up the daily monotony. Research shows that activities like family meals or singing together reduce stress and strengthen social bonds, especially among young adults.

Rituals don't eliminate stress, but they make it manageable. It transforms everyday activities into moments that give meaning, reduce tension and allow people to be present for each other. In the run-up to the Holidays, this can be the difference between tension and real closeness.

“Rituals are protective for mental health and resilience because they give structure to a period that, paradoxically, becomes chaotic. The month of December collects what did not fit in the rest of the year. People who push hard to finish everything, who overresponsibility, who struggle with the gift list, the menu, with social pressure. Rituals work as regulation breaks; there are times when the body feels that it does not have to be on constant alert”. Loredana Grigore, systemic psychotherapist focused on emotions, declares for “Adevărul”.

She believes that December brings pressure and many comparisons, and in this bustle it becomes difficult to understand what is really important to you, what you need. “Rituals can stop the hectic pace and create a space where things settle. What we do repeatedly influences us. A ritual is more than a nice gesture, it is a choice that says something about you. If you protect a moment of silence, you begin to see that you value space and balance. If you take time for a gesture of gratitude, the value you reinforce is appreciation. If you repeat a gesture of care for a loved one, you strengthen the identity of a person who builds connections”adds the specialist.

According to him, rituals bring to the surface priorities that you may never have put into words, but felt. What you choose to keep becomes value. What you choose to repeat gradually begins to shape your identity.

For her part, somatic psychotherapist Roxana Serghe says that: “If habits help us to be efficient and have predictability, rituals give depth to moments and contribute to emotional regulation. They reduce anxiety, create internal safety and provide emotional anchors in times of uncertainty. In addition, they increase coping capacity and resilience by activating the parasympathetic nervous system, responsible for calm.”he explains, for “The Truth”.

In his opinion, collective rituals (within the family, between friends or in the community) send a strong message: “This is where you belong. You are part of us.” By repeating them, she says, people create shared experiences and a family culture, even in disorganized families, which can become more united around a simple annual ritual.

“Christmas, the most beloved holiday of the year, includes a number of well-known customs: decorating the tree, preparing the table, buying presents, visiting family, lighting candles, singing carols or writing cards. These can become authentic rituals with a few simple elements: adding an intention (“What do I want to feel or convey while doing this?”); slowing down and mindful presence; the introduction of a personal symbol (an ornament with meaning); inviting someone to turn the moment into a shared experience. Thus, small activities acquire emotional weight: decorating the tree becomes a ritual of reflection if each ornament is accompanied by a wish or thanks; writing a wish can be a ritual of connection if we consciously think about that person; lighting candles can become a calming ritual if we give it this intention and connect to the flame, light and smell”adds Roxana Serghe.

Gratitude activates neural circuits associated with well-being. according to him, our brains tend to focus on the negative, so we need to consciously remind ourselves of what's going well.

“Reflection, in turn, helps us integrate the year's experiences and clarify our inner stories. Christmas rituals are an ideal context for such practices: journaling, gratitude lists, New Year's intentions, or moments of silence and introspection. They highlight what is important to each of us, what we choose to repeat and what we cultivate as a family or individually. In this way, rituals function as small mirrors of identity: “If I do this every year, it's because it means something to me.” The involvement of children and adolescents in rituals has a strong impact on their emotional development”continues the psychotherapist.

For little ones, rituals provide predictability, belonging, a sense of “magic” and opportunities to learn gratitude and empathy. “For teenagers, rituals build bridges with adults, provide continuity during a time of intense change, and strengthen family identity.”

Moreover, according to his statements, rituals can also be individual, and this often makes them even more authentic. A walk to a dear place each year, cooking a favorite dish, a letter to your future self, a grooming routine or a moment of contemplation with candles and music can make Christmas a truly personal and meaningful time.

“To create authentic rituals, it's worth asking ourselves, 'What do I want to feel at Christmas?', 'What symbol of this season resonates with me?', 'What am I missing that I can create through a ritual?' Then, choosing a small activity and repeating it with intention can lead to the emergence of a personal tradition. When Rituals Become Stressful Like anything done out of obligation, rituals can lose their meaning if they become too elaborate, turned into a performance, or if they are done just because they have to. To avoid this, it is recommended to keep rituals simple, honor their intention, not perfection, and discard what is no longer relevant.” adds Roxana Serghe.

The positive effects of rituals are easy to see, the specialist claims: more calm, emotional coherence, sense of belonging, reduced stress level, more meaning in daily activities and a gentler relationship with one's own life.

“Research by Michael Norton and Francesca Gino (Harvard) shows that rituals reduce emotional pain, increase perceived control, reduce anxiety, and increase resilience. In positive psychology, gratitude rituals are associated with higher levels of happiness, and collective rituals with stronger social cohesion.”

Moreover, positive changes are visible in the lives of many people: “A divorced woman who writes an annual letter to herself gained more emotional clarity and self-compassion; a family with young children, through the ritual of '5 minutes of gratitude by the Christmas tree,' noticed less conflict and more cooperation; a single man taking a walk in the park with a thermos of tea on Eve feels less lonely and more connected to himself; an exhausted mother who chose an ornament for each lesson of the year regained meaning and internal organization“, adds Roxana Serghe.

Loredana Grigore's recommendations, systemic psychotherapist focused on emotions

Introspection Mini-Practice:

Before any list or obligation, make some space for yourself. Grab your notebook, a pen and find a quiet space. Inhale for four counts, exhale for six counts, and repeat three times. Ask yourself, without pressure: What am I giving myself this year?, What do I need to protect?, What can I give up, to make it easier for me? Write down the answers exactly as they come.

Then choose one small gesture, a ritual that fits into your life without burdening it. It can be a different start, according to your needs.