Childhood in the gym: “A social experiment. The hardest thing was not the training, but the abuse, the fear, the loneliness…”

The images of the gymnast Sabrina Voinea, who cries and says “I can't do it anymore” to her mother-coach have caused a wave of revolt and sadness. At the same time, they raise a series of questions about performance and the limits that must be set in achieving it. How far can sacrifice go? “Performance should not cost childhood, joy, confidence or emotional integrity”says a former athlete. It's hard for him to talk about the things he's been through even now, as an adult, but he wants to send a message and stop generations of athletes training in fear.

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“The hardest thing was not the training, but the sadness that there is no one to save you”

Mădălina Ion did table tennis performance, and when she was between 10 and 15 years old she was part of the Romanian Olympic team.

“My experience was not a happy one. I didn't choose to do sports, it was my parents' wish. I wasn't even a great talent, instead I was extremely hardworking. In the lot, however, the experience is very tough for a child in training, talented or not, motivated or not. There are few children who reach the batch at 10 years old because they want it with all their heart. Most of the time the desire is manipulated or a family decision is made for various reasons,” says Mădălina. She was not psychologically prepared for what was to come. And no child would have been.

“It's a social experiment if I look back today, having as actors the trainers – completely unprepared and uneducated to contain a group of teenage girls like us (I being the youngest) and who try to impose themselves as they succeed, usually through fear – and the children, who in turn create a hierarchical structure within the group based on abuse, because that's what they've learned. The hardest part was not the training, but the abuse, the constant fatigue, the fear, the feeling that you are completely alone, the theft of your childhood, the lack of kindness, the cold, the cold shower, the train journeys alone, and above all the sadness that there is no one to save you ever”.

He eventually gave up the sport.

“I would have continued if the environment had been healthy: if there was care, protection and respect, if sport was about evolution, not about fear. Children can bear enormous effort, but they cannot bear emotional insecurity.”

Mădălina Ion, former performance athlete PHOTO Personal archive

“As an adult, I tried to imagine someone doing this to my children and it hurt me”

Mădăllina feels that that period killed something in her, a part of her childhood that she will never be able to recover. It was only years later that he truly realized the scale of what had happened.

“Psychic abuse is the one that remains the most. Bruises pass. The words, the tone, the shame, the pressure, the fear—they stay in the body and identity for years. I visited the place where I lived for five years after almost 30 years, not knowing what to expect, only slightly apprehensive. I sat on the bench and cried I don't know how much, and then I had all kinds of very strong physical symptoms. I never imagined that after so much therapy there was so much pain left there.

But you know what's really serious? That this kind of abuse is so normalized in that world that everything seemed fine to me until, as an adult, I tried to imagine someone doing this to my children and it hurt. Only then did I understand. It leaves traces even today, I am ashamed and afraid to talk about it, even though more than 30 years have passed. I do this only because I have a responsibility and I think that if I influence just one parent or coach, I am doing an enormous good”.

What is the limit of sacrifice in sports?

“Sacrifice is part of sport, but it should never mean sacrificing a child's physical, mental health or dignity. Performance should not cost childhood, joy, confidence or emotional integrity. Any result achieved with fear or humility is a failure of the adults, not a victory of the child. The problem is that some educated adults also take care of children and, because they have been given the same balance between sacrifice and abuse, they imagine that the whole spectrum of misery they do to children is part of the “sacrifice package”, because they don't know otherwise, no one shows them otherwise”says Mădălina Ion.

He can't turn back time, go back to the little girl back then and protect her. But he wants that for the little athletes who are now crossing the threshold of the training rooms.

“Sports are wonderful and can form strong characters, but only in an environment where children are safe. In an environment based on abuse and fear it can create strong characters, but they come with anxiety, hypervigilance and all kinds of other mechanisms that can bring about an illusory performance, because in fact the future adult carries with him pain and insecurity all his life, and that is a terrible failure. True performance grows not from fear, but from support. We can have champions — not in spite of care, but because of it”

Long-term effects of trauma. What the studies show

That performance should not be obtained at any cost is also shown by specialized studies. A 2022 report by the American Psychological Association is even called > and shows how some of the former athletes ended up with diagnosed clinical disorders and attachment problems. Other studies even highlight the occurrence of PTSD, i.e. post-traumatic stress disorder, usually specific to soldiers who have been in war zones.

“One of the most frequent traumas is self-devaluation. The child comes to believe that >, and every mistake turns into guilt. This is where performance anxiety, excessive fear of failure, and perfectionism start. Over time, symptoms of early burnout, chronic fatigue, lack of joy and a strained relationship with one's own body also appear.psychotherapist Dorina Stamate draws attention.

It also speaks to the psychological mechanisms that lead parents to want performance from their children. And he lists two big motivations:

“The desire of parents for their child to achieve performance, medals or recognition starts, most of the time, from love and the need to see him “safely” in the world. For many adults, success means that you will be protected, if you perform well, you have a better chance of being accepted, appreciated and have a stable future. So the pressure doesn't come from malice, but from their fear of that child being hurt or rejected.

On the other hand, some parents project their own unfulfilled dreams or their own life experiences onto the child without realizing it. The desire for performance becomes a kind of “ticket to happiness” that they would also like to have. It is important for parents to be aware of this mechanism, so that they can make room for the child's real wishes, not just those that come from their past”.

Dorina Stamate, psychotherapist

Psychotherapist: “Respecting limits does not weaken performance; No medal is worth the trauma, anxiety, shame”

What is the point where both coaches and parents need to stop? The psychotherapist explains:

“In sport, there really is a culture of >, and sometimes this is useful for discipline and resilience. But the line stops where the effort begins to violate the child's physical or emotional health. When the crying becomes continuous, when his body gives in, when his expression says “I can't anymore” even if the voice barely whispers it, then we are no longer talking about training, but about forcing. The purpose of sport is to grow a child, not exhaust him.”

Regarding the so-called price of success, he also emphasizes that:

“No medal is worth trauma, anxiety, shame, hidden pain, or a body pushed beyond its limits to the point of serious injury. No result justifies yelling, humiliation, toxic pressure, manipulation or excessive control.”

“Today's society can no longer tolerate abuse under the pretext of performance”

What can society do so that the mentality maintained for decades in sports, and not only in Romania, is defeated? Don't close your eyes, says the psychotherapist.

“In 2025 we can no longer talk about performance with the mentality of 20-30 years ago, because in the meantime we have understood enormously about the human psyche, about the development of children and about the effects of trauma. We know much more clearly what leaves traces and what actually supports healthy evolution. The old models, based on fear, humility and obedience, may have produced short-term results, but they left behind wounded, exhausted adults with emotional and relational difficulties.

Today's society can no longer tolerate abuse under the pretext of performance. The voices of sportswomen and athletes who had the courage to speak about beatings, humiliations and emotional abuse have definitely changed the way we look at coaching. Once the truth has come to light, we can no longer “close our eyes” without becoming, at least partially, accomplices.” attracts Dorina Stamate's attention.

Authentic performance, it also highlights, is built from psychological safety, a positive relationship with the coach/mentor, a balance between effort and rest, and encouragement that validates the process, not just the result.

“Children who grow up this way, paradoxically, go further than those who grow up with fear, because they don't lose their joy, curiosity and ability to get up after failure. Real performance needs no abuse; it needs support, structure and people who see the child as more than a medal”.