When is the right time to move out from your parents? “It's important how they manage the first problems that arise”
The pressure to leave their parents' home pushes young people to make the most expensive financial gamble of their early career. Buying your freedom before you have a steady income often turns out to be a mistake that brings you back to square one. When are you really ready to be on your own and when is it smarter not to leave home?
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“Although the statistics show that in Romania there is a tendency for young people to start a life on their own at 20-30 years old, independence does not come with age, it depends a lot on the financial, emotional and cultural context. Some leave earlier to study abroad or in another city, but the independence is not total, and others stay with their parents even though they have all the resources to save money or complete their education in an easier way”. clinical psychologist Luminița Tăbăran explains for “Adevărul”.
Being independent primarily requires financial resources for support, a steady income, financial projection skills (how to calculate one's budget, based on income and expenses), she also says.
“Independence means being able to take care of yourself (food, cleanliness, safety), but also how to quickly manage problems that may arise (when something breaks, where and when the bills need to be paid). This is also where emotional intelligence must be taken into account, how you manage stress when you are alone, how you make decisions quickly, how you build healthy routines and organize your schedule. When you are very dependent on your parents this transition can be difficult and sometimes becomes worrying and giving up for the comfort of the nest appears parenting”, attracts the specialist's attention.
In his opinion, it is important to leave home when you feel the need for autonomy, not just social pressure, and to be aware of all the dimensions of living on your own, which requires a maturation.
“Unfortunately, sometimes young people are kept by their parents in that delayed adolescence, expressed as a help through the comfort offered, but which limits their psycho-emotional development, maturation, making social adaptation difficult even when there is a desire to leave the nest. And here we can remember the empty nest phenomenon that describes the period when parents remain alone at home after the children leave – usually for studies, work or to establish their own life. And it is an emotional transition that can be felt in different ways, either by sadness, by loss of meaning, respectively by the role of a parent, by anxiety, which can burden the child emotionally or the parents can become too intrusive. But, fortunately, there are also emotionally healthy situations when the parents support and support the child's detachment.”Luminița Tăbăran opines.
Psychologically, from a young person's perspective, leaving home is also a major transition: a mixture of freedom, excitement and sometimes anxiety. “Even if at the beginning there is enthusiasm, it is important how one manages the first problems that arise. The feeling of autonomy helps us to discover who we are outside the family, to learn to assume responsibilities, the boundaries become clearer, and the relationship changes from subordination to equality, i.e. adult-adult. Sometimes it can also come with internal conflicts caused by loyalty to the family. What must be remembered psychologically, in the relationship with parents, is that leaving home is not definitive separation, but a recalibration of the relationship. If both parties adapt, the connection becomes more mature, more relaxed and, paradoxically, sometimes even closer”completes the psychologist.
When young people from the EU leave home
According to data published by Eurostat, in 2024, young people in the European Union left their parents' home, on average, at the age of 26.2 years, slightly earlier than in 2023, when the average was 26.3 years. Over the past 20+ years, this age has remained relatively stable, varying between 26.1 and 26.8 years.
The highest ages at which young people leave home, over 30, are recorded in Croatia (31.3), Slovakia (30.9), Greece (30.7), Italy (30.1) and Spain (30.0). At the opposite pole, young people become independent much earlier in the Nordic countries, such as Finland (21.4 years), Denmark (21.7) and Sweden (21.9).
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The economic context weighs heavily in this decision. Eurostat data shows that young people are more affected by housing costs than the rest of the population. In 2024, about 9.7 percent of 15- to 29-year-olds lived in households that allocated at least 40 percent of income to housing, above the level of the general population.
The differences between countries are visible. In Greece and Denmark, the housing cost burden exceeds 28–30%, while in countries such as Croatia or Slovenia the level is much lower.
In general, where young people leave home earlier, the costs are harder to bear, meaning independence comes sooner but with greater financial pressure. In contrast, in countries where departure takes place later, this pressure is usually less.
In other words, the timing of departure depends not only on the desire for independence, but also on how sustainable this independence is in practice.
What young people say: between the desire for independence and financial reality
The dilemma of leaving home does not appear only in studies or in psychologists' offices, but is also intensively discussed in the online environment. On platforms like Reddit, young people talk about the desire for independence, but also the fear of financial instability.
A 25-year-old says that although he has savings and a good relationship with his parents, he feels he has taken a step back by returning home and wants his independence again. At the same time, he admits that the decision to move would be an emotional one rather than a rational one.
Many of those who answered him advise him to wait. “If you can, stay with your parents until you finish your studies and save as much money as you can. After that you will be able to make a much safer decision.” says one user.
Others draw attention to concrete difficulties: without a stable income, finding housing becomes complicated, and the balance between work and study can be difficult to manage. “Financially, it's better to stay. Independence doesn't help much if you end up running out of time for yourself or struggling”another participant explains.
“If the relationship with the parents is good, stay a while and save. Give yourself a time frame of 6-12 months and then move with a plan, not just for the feeling of independence.” someone else recommends it.
“Independence is important, but without an emergency fund you risk going home, and that's exactly the situation you want to avoid.” warn another user.
Independence is not just about leaving home
A study published in the journal Emerging Adulthoodtitled “Leaving the Parental Home by Emerging Adults: A Choice or a Challenge?”points out that moving away from home is no longer a guarantee of maturing.
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The research, based on interviews with 18- to 25-year-olds, shows that the real difference lies not in where the young person lives, but in the actual degree of autonomy assumed.
For example, a young person can live with their parents and still be independent if they work, contribute to household expenses and build a career. In this case, delaying departure is a calculated decision to save money or complete education, being a smart transition strategy, not a sign of immaturity. At the opposite pole, a young person moved apart only by social pressure, but without financial resources or practical skills, risks being quickly overwhelmed by responsibilities and the stress of bills.
The authors show that leaving brings real benefits – more confidence and an even closer relationship with parents – only when it is a step taken, motivated by a clear goal (studies, career). Conversely, when the move is sudden, the desire for release quickly becomes a source of vulnerability and loneliness.
The researchers' conclusion is clear: independence is not measured by whether or not a young person shares the same roof with the family, but by the ability to support their decisions. Leaving home is a step towards maturity only when you have the necessary resources, motivation and support.
