Why do we make a mistake when we buy the child everything he asks for? “He understands that your money is unlimited for all his desires”
Adults' complicated relationship with money starts early, in childhood. Ștefana Miret, trainer in financial education for children and guest in the podcast The truth about moneysays what are the behavioral patterns and the wrong messages that children receive, day by day, in the family.
The Truth About Money: Money Lessons Start From 3 Years Old Photo Source Pixabay
“I'm all due,” the pattern that starts at home
In a store, the scene repeats itself almost identically: the child asks for a toy, the parent gives in. Maybe for peace, maybe from the desire to make you happy or from an older impulse, left over from your own childhood. Whatever the reason, the result is the same: the child does not learn to wait, does not learn to prioritize, does not learn that money has a limit. He just learns that if he insists enough, he gets it.
This is the lie we tell children about money. Ștefana Miret, trainer in financial education for children and guest in the podcast The truth about moneysays that this is precisely the moment when a deep conviction is installed in the child's mind, one that he will carry with him for a long time.
“I think it's an indirect lie and it's about the moment when you go to a store or wherever there are toys and the child starts: «I want that toy» and you buy it. And this is repeated the following week and so on. And then the child understands that your money is unlimited for all his wishes,” she explains.
This is, in fact, the first wrong lesson about money – one that is not explicitly stated, but which you quickly learn. The second is not related to habits, but to the mentality inherited from the family. It is the result of an education where boundaries are not defined and explanations are almost completely absent.
“It's my couvenism. I mean, I own everything and you can see the child, from the way he answers your questions and how he positions himself towards you. He is not even aware that an object has a value that will be paid for with money. Children know about money that they make it at work. They also know that their parents have money and when they grow up they will earn money too. But it's all very vague information,” says Stefana Miret for The truth about money.
Money lessons start at age 3, not adolescence
Financial education does not appear with the first pocket money, but much earlier, at a time when many parents believe that “it's too early.”
Stefana Miret believes that “around the age of 2.5-3 years, you can already explain to the children. They already have the concepts and can understand. I, in my workshops, start with a simple question: where did you wake up in the morning? In a bed? Is it a need or a desire? Slowly, slowly you trace the child's needs and desires. It is not about formal lessons, but about the way the parent introduces reality into everyday life. Everything has to be applied. That's the difference. We, parents, get lost in big words, or everything has to be done in the form of a game, because until the age of 12, he learns through play.”
Another lesson parents can instill in their child's financial education is learning to say “no.” Parents avoid refusal, associate it with the child's frustration or with the idea that they are not giving him enough. In reality, precisely the lack of this “not” it creates confusion. Refusal becomes valuable when it is explained, not imposed.
“You can tell him once I'm not buying, because you have more toys, or because I need you to give up a stuffed animal, sell it or donate it, so that we can get another one. We're going on this side of saving, but let him discover to give. There's something else important. The current generation is not used to waiting and saying: “I'm impatient, I'm bored”. As a parent, you feel that it would be the fault that the child is bored. It's just that most of us forget that boredom is important, because that's how we make discoveries.” emphasizes Ștefana Miret.
The two extremes we inherit
Children tend to copy the financial pattern of their parents. The specialist noticed two extremes, equally problematic. The first is waste. The parent who wants to show that he can, that his family lacks nothing. The child grows up with the idea that money is thrown away and status is bought.
The second extreme is miserliness. The child who compulsively collects money without any direction. Neither extreme is financial education. One is waste, the other is the Hagi-Tudose model, according to his words. Between them, there is a balance: you save, invest and give. Above all you give.
Without this balance, children end up oscillating between extremes: either they accumulate money without a purpose, or they spend without limits. Difference that can be seen over time. Financial literacy isn't just about saving, it's about understanding balance:
“Either we save, or go to the shopping session, let's throw away the money, because we can, we have the status, because many want to present themselves as rich parents who can offer everything the child wants. Or they are children who come to my class and say: me gather money. For what? Not i knowbut me I squeeze them. Importantthis is also the part, to learn to give. But it doesn't mean: I'm rich and look, I'm giving you my toys because I don't play with them anymore. But it means that it is already a soul connection, not a superior-inferior positioning. Those who have financial education, but the right one, thoroughly done, know what it means to save, invest and give. This part is also important, especially for the current generation, to learn to give.”
Children learn values
Ștefana Miret warns that now the financial education of children does not really belong to anyone. The school points to the parents. The parents point to the school. But the information exists through financial education workshops, conferences, dedicated podcasts, games you can play with your child at home. The problem is not a lack of resources, but a lack of intention.
A child who knows that money has a limit, that needs are different from desires, that sometimes it's worth waiting for something, that child is freer, no longer pressured. It's not about the kid who knows how to count bills. It's about the child who learned to wait, to give up something to get something else, to understand that a wish is not an emergency.
Also, Ștefana Miret says that there are differences between a child who is financially educated and a child who does not benefit from this information.
“You can see the difference through the values that you don't find in other children and start with the idea of respect and patience, because money teaches you, if you know how to manage it, a certain respect for all people.”
In a reality where the parents and the school pass their responsibility, the child often remains between two worlds. And the decisive lessons do not come from lectures or conferences, but from daily actions. Sometimes from a toy bought too easily. Other times, from a “no” said in time.
Watch the full edition of Interviews Adevărul/ The truth about money and learn from Ștefana Miret, how you can start financial education for your child.
