I have been working as a full-time career coach for about eight years, and struggling with a difficult, controlling boss is one of the most common problems clients come to me with.
I believe they are so common because many leaders earlier in their careers were very involved in solving technical problems, but it didn't learn to delegate well later.
Additionally, with numerous layoffs in this industry, managers may fear for their positions, which prompts them to exercise greater control.
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Complaining about your boss won't change his behavior, so in these situations I try to help clients focus on what's within their control – like improving their communication and self-confidence.
Here are my four tips if you think your boss is over-controlling:
1. Know his triggers
Such supervisors often have trouble relinquishing control, and when employees question their style, bosses sometimes respond by shouting or “disappearing.” It also happens that they double down on problematic behavior, which makes cooperation even more difficult.
One of my clients noticed that its president often became irritated when employees questioned his decisions. The client couldn't change this trigger, but we figured out a way to not be the source of it: He started gathering feedback from colleagues and collectively presenting solutions instead of questions to the CEO. Handling him carefully prevented his defensiveness from triggering – and thus the desire for excessive control diminished.
It's worth considering what usually annoys your boss. Is this the reporting deadline? Meetings with investors? There is no excuse for bad behavior, but noticing such triggers can help you avoid triggering them and reduce the risk of over-control.
See also: Welcome to the era of mega-managers. Those who manage to keep their jobs will face a real hardship
2. Pick your battles
If your boss interferes excessively with your work and you react to every little thing, he may feel attacked and trigger his controlling behaviors.
One client spent up to two hours arguing with his boss during meetings without achieving any results. So think about what your ultimate goal is when you give it feedback – to save energy and reduce the risk of explosion.
Identify the two or three things that, when addressed, will most improve your well-being at work and focus on them.
The fact that your boss requires you to arrive at exactly 8:00 instead of 8:15 is probably not worth the fight. However, a longer leave, if it is very important to you and your boss is reluctant to give you time off, may be a reason for a conversation.
3. Gain knowledge from the inside
Look at the people in your organization who work well with your boss and try to understand why.
One of my clients had a very controlling supervisor who was stubborn about his ways. In a three-person team, he noticed that he was the one who most often came into conflict with the boss.
I asked if she worked with him differently than the rest and he realized that unlike the other two, he spoke up in important meetings. Colleagues confirmed that they were more passive – the less they said, the less opportunity the boss had to control them.
You may be doing something that annoys your manager without even realizing it. Conversations with others can bring new perspectives. Start with someone you trust at work, but be careful not to come across as a gossip. If you feel safe, try talking to your boss directly instead.
4. Look within yourself
Your boss may not be overly controlling at all – you may be reacting emotionally because of previous experiences, perhaps with a previous supervisor.
If something your boss wrote in an email or said in a meeting sparked a strong reaction, ask your co-workers how they felt about it to see if others also found the communication unwarranted.
If this is just how you feel, try calming down in these moments—for example, going for a short walk or waiting five minutes before responding.
Sometimes you can propose a solution. When a client complained about responding to his boss's Slack messages all day, I encouraged him to ask if he could respond at the end of the day. To his surprise, his boss agreed without any problem — it's just that no one has brought it up before.
Sometimes you focus so much on the other person that you forget to look at yourself and think about how you can improve the situation yourself.
It's often difficult to give honest feedback to a difficult boss because they rarely create a safe atmosphere for such conversations.
If, after trying to communicate openly and following the advice above, you're still having more bad days than good days at work, it may be time to leave your job.
The above text is a translation from American edition of Business Insider
