Steps to build our self-esteem. What can you do for yourself today? “It's a fragile inner architecture, maintained by small habits”

At a time when the personal development market is clamoring for quick recipes, self-esteem continues to be presented as a gift that is revealed to you overnight, as an epiphany accessible to anyone, says psychotherapist Laura Găvan.

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“But on closer inspection, this image fails to capture the true nature of the inner process. Louise Hay's philosophy, which remains surprisingly current despite the passing of decades, brings us back to an idea that is simple and difficult at the same time: self-esteem is not a miracle, but a practice. A daily, sometimes uncomfortable, exercise in which you learn to sit with yourself, observe, tame and patiently rebuild yourself.” she explained.

Simple exercises with powerful effects

More precisely, Louise Hay mentioned that self-esteem does not appear suddenly, but is cultivated step by step. It is a daily exercise, sometimes uncomfortable, through which we learn to love and listen to our true selves. Moreover, she recommends some concrete practices:

1. Daily self-love (Remember that you deserve to be loved and to love yourself, even in difficult times)

2. The personal diary (Noting your experiences and emotions, noticing how you react and whether your actions reflect who you really are.)

3. Meditation and mindfulness (Relaxation, conscious breathing, and reflection on your desires help you reduce the voice of the inner critic and develop self-compassion.)

4. Working with the mirror and tapping (By looking into each other's eyes and expressing your true feelings, you can discover your hidden fears, and then face them gently.)

These practices, although seemingly simple, have powerful effects, wrote Louise Hay: they develop compassion for oneself and others, the courage to face challenges, and a positive mindset that attracts relationships and situations in harmony with our true selves.

However, to talk about self-esteem without talking about context is to ignore reality. “We are born into different families, carry with us different stories, and are shaped by environments that shape us from our earliest days. Developmental psychology research is clear: a child who grows up in a stable family with emotional and material resources starts life with a stronger sense of self-worth. Privilege, whether financial, educational, or emotional, acts as an invisible lever that allows self-esteem to form naturally without cracks. In instead, those raised in unpredictable, critical, or affection-poor environments end up rebuilding this foundation much later, through conscious and often painful effort.” declares Laura Găvan.

In fact, this is exactly where things get complicated. For most of us, self-reflection (so often recommended in books and courses) is not a simple stop for introspection, but a descent into the underground of the psyche, she says.

“Defense mechanisms, those subtle constructs that protect us from intolerable anxieties, are activated as soon as we begin to shed light on dark areas. We rationalize, minimize, avoid. We tell ourselves convenient stories to avoid the inner truth. We project our own fears onto others. Or, when the pressure becomes too great, we split the world into black and white in an attempt to maintain internal coherence. Self-reflection thus becomes not a quiet exercise, but a confrontation with one's own shadows”it clarifies.

Self-esteem and the digital age: challenges and opportunities

And yet, despite the difficulties, it is precisely these simple practices (journaling, meditation, working with oneself in the mirror) that have demonstrated stable effects over time. “Expressive writing can help us rewrite our personal story and calms our nervous system. Mindfulness reduces self-criticism and increases emotional tolerance. Even seemingly naive exercises of connecting with one's own image in the mirror can activate neuropsychological mechanisms of self-compassion. What seemed mundane becomes, over time, a silent and persistent form of re-relationship.” completes the psychotherapist.

As Laura Găvan also mentions, meditation remains an essential tool, even in the digital age. More precisely, in a world where the flow of information is continuous and our attention is fragmented by notifications, screens and applications running on automatic fire, the mind seems agitated and impossible to calm down. Specialists show, however, that the problem is not the thoughts themselves, but the lack of real time for ourselves and for introspection exercises.

This is how the practices recommended by Louise Hay become more relevant than ever. Even a few minutes dedicated to mindful breathing, reflecting on emotions, or connecting with self-image can bring cognitive clarity, reduce emotional reactivity, and support emotional resilience.

Modern apps such as “Miracle of Mind” offer short meditation sessions designed to help manage emotions and anxiety. Moreover, recent research shows that such practices positively influence the prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thinking, impulse control and decision-making, and increase the ability to stay aligned with the authentic self in the face of external pressures.

Thus, simple but constant exercises are not only self-care tools, but real adaptation mechanisms to the modern world: they help us cultivate our self-esteem, make better decisions for our lives and be more present, aware and balanced in our relationship with others and the environment.

However, according to Laura Găvan, from the perspective of cognitive-behavioral therapy, self-esteem is not rebuilt through positive affirmations, but through examining and disputing dysfunctional beliefs.

“Through behavioral experiments, gradual exposure to fears, by monitoring those moments when we self-sabotage. Instead, Stoicism brings another nuance, another angle: the idea that personal value grows through the coherence of our principles and actions. That peace comes from the distinction between what we can control and what is beyond our will. That every evening can become a ritual of review and clarity.”

When we look at them together (the psychological perspective, the influence of privilege, defense mechanisms and therapeutic practices) it becomes clear that self-esteem is not a decorative concept.

“It's not a shiny cloak you put on because you 'deserve it.' It is a fragile inner architecture, maintained by small habits, by honesty and by the courage to really look at yourself. It is a road that you build step by step, sometimes in spite of your own history, sometimes in spite of your own psyche. In the end, perhaps self-esteem is neither a gift nor a conquest, but a kind of inner alphabet. A language that you learn slowly, through repetition, until one day you notice that you can speak to yourself more gently. That you can ask for what you need. That you have become, without ceremony and without noise, an ally of yourself”,
concludes the psychotherapist.

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