STUDY: Childhood loneliness leaves lifelong scars. How parents should encourage their children to have friends

As people age, their cognitive abilities begin to decline. This is very subtle at first, but can become more rapid as a person ages. Processing speed and working memory are usually the most affected, while experiential cognitive abilities and acquired knowledge tend to be the least affected. This is called age-related cognitive decline. It is a normal part of aging and does not in itself indicate any pathology. But there is also cognitive decline that occurs much earlier than is biologically normal—sometimes as early as the 40s and 50s of life, or, in rare cases, even earlier.

Premature cognitive decline can progress more quickly, is often linked to pathological factors — not just aging, it can significantly affect social, professional life and autonomy. Its possible causes are:

• early-onset dementias (eg early-onset Alzheimer's)
• repeated head trauma
• chronic stress, severe depression
• loneliness and early social deprivation
• cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, obesity
• genetic predisposition (eg PSEN1, APP mutations).

Those who experience premature cognitive decline, obvious memory and concentration difficulties, problems in solving usual professional tasks, confusion in everyday situations, but also changes in personality and behavior.

Age-related cognitive decline usually occurs after 60-65 years, develops slowly, does not affect the overall ability to live independently, and is mainly caused by biological aging of the brain. People forget names or recent details, their thinking speed is slowed down, they have difficulty multitasking and need more time to learn new information.

In normal cognitive decline, daily functioning is not significantly affected, and the person maintains his autonomy and personality. Unlike age-related cognitive decline, premature cognitive decline can affect work capacity, social relationships and personal independence much earlier.

Encourage your child to make friends from an early age because it helps them to be mentally healthy. The Childhood Friendship Experiences and Cognitive Functioning in Later Life study highlighted the role of friendship from an early age. According to the scientists, friendship acts as a long-lasting protective factor: quality early social relationships were associated with a better initial level of cognitive function in adulthood, and with slower deterioration, even though this link was mediated in part by social isolation and perceived loneliness in adulthood.

A 2022 study, also based on data from the China Health and Retirement Longitudinal Study (CHARLS) cohort, went further and looked at the “status of childhood friendships” (quality, existence of close friends, etc.), and the results were striking. The better childhood friendships, the slower the participants' cognitive decline and higher overall level of cognitive function compared to those with poor friendships.

This association proved stronger in women, in people with less education and in those who had had adverse experiences in childhood.

And Dutch and Swedish scientists confirmed that perceived loneliness in adulthood or old age is a significant predictor of cognitive decline and dementia risk, even after controlling for depressive symptoms, signaling that the number of children or marital status—doesn't offer the same kind of protection as a subjective sense of belonging and connection.

Here are some tips tailored for each age stageto help your child develop friendships in a healthy way:

2–4 years – First interactions – what to do as a parent, what to avoid

At this age, children still do not have “friends” in the classic sense, but they are learning the basics.

How you help them:

• Create opportunities to play with other children in safe environments
• Teach him to say “hello”, “please”, “thank you”
• Show them how to share (even if it's hard at first)
• Praise small acts of cooperation: “It was very nice of you to wait”

Avoid:

• The pressure: “Why don't you play with them?”
• Comparison with other children

4–6 years – Focus on learning social rules

During this period, real play relationships and simple friendships begin.

How to help him:

• Invite one child at a time to play
• Play cooperative games (puzzles, team games)
• Talk about emotions: “How do you think your friend felt”
• Encourage conflict resolution without immediate intervention

Avoid:

• To choose your friends instead of him
• To solve all his conflicts

Children form groups and seek acceptance.

How to help him:

• Help him invite friends to activities
• Discuss healthy friendships vs. toxic
• Practice social situations (“What do you say if I reject you?”)
• It supports self-confidence through hobbies and personal successes

Avoid:

• Minimize conflict (“It's no big deal”)
• To force him to be “popular”

11–14 years – Beware of peer pressure!

Friendships become deeper and more emotional.

How to help him:

• At this stage, listen more than you talk
• He did not directly criticize his friends
• Talk about boundaries, respect and negative influence
• Encourage activities that define him, not just the group

Avoid:

• Drastic bans without explanation
• Excessive snooping (better: open discussions)

15–18 years – Relationships become complex and autonomy is neededie

Personal identity is built through friendships.

How to help him:

• Treat him like a young adult
• It talks about trust, loyalty and self-worth
• Respect her privacy
• Be a safe place where he can talk anytime.

Avoid:

• Excessive control
• Quick judgement

Principles valid for any age

– Encourages empathy
– Respect differences
– Creates a safe and warm environment
– Praise the social effort, not just the result
– Let the child be himself.