Gray divorces: An increasingly obvious phenomenon in Romania as well. The numbers that speak

Gray divorces – those involving couples over 50 with seemingly happy marriages – have become increasingly common. From famous cases – Bill and Melinda Gates or Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban – to less public stories, the phenomenon raises an inevitable question: what causes two people who have lived together for decades to suddenly decide that they can no longer continue?

Gray divorces in Romania: statistics and trends

In Romania there are approximately 57 divorces per day. The phenomenon of gray divorce is becoming more and more evident in our country as well. The number of divorces is increasing year by year, with a maximum recorded in 2021 – being more than double compared to the first years after the Revolution.

Relevant Demographics:

• Starting at age 50, the number of men who divorce increases significantly: 1.3 times in the 50-54 age group, 1.5 times in the 55-59 age group, and about two times in the 60 and over age group.
• The most frequent divorces were recorded in the age group 45-49 years for men and 35-39 years for women.
• Marital infidelity is more common as a reason for divorce among men.
• The number of women under 30 who divorced was 2.2 times that of men in the same age group.

The evolution of the phenomenon: numbers that speak

Analyzing the data for the 55-59 age group (both partners), we observe a significant increase in gray divorces in Romania. From just 227 cases in 1990, we reached 508 cases in 2024 – an increase of over 120%. The peak was reached in 2011, with 455 divorces, followed by a notable drop during the pandemic and then a strong rebound.

In the 50-55 age group, the situation is not much different: from 400 divorces per year to over 800 (after a peak of almost 1200 divorces in 2021)

Geographical disparities:

About 10% of national divorces take place in Bucharest. In 13 counties – including Bistrita-Năsăud, Botoșani, Iași, Ilfov and Suceava – the number of divorces in rural areas exceeded that in urban areas. The fewest divorces were registered in Mehedinți (111) and Tulcea (162).

European context:

In 2023, Romania had a divorce rate of 1.2‰, below the European average of 1.6‰. The lowest rates were recorded in Slovenia (1.0‰) and Croatia (1.1‰), and the highest in Latvia (2.8‰), Lithuania (2.5‰) and Finland (2.1‰).

Reasons for divorce

According to data from the National Institute of Statistics (INS), the main causes of divorce in Romania are adultery, jealousy and physical violence, followed by excessive alcohol and drug consumption.

Globally, the top reasons include:

• Lack of commitment in the relationship: 75%
• Infidelity: 59.6%
• Irreconcilable differences: 57.7%
• Early marriage: 45.1%
• Financial difficulties: 36.7%
• Substance abuse: 34.6%
• Domestic violence: 23.5%

In contrast, 200 years ago, the dominant reasons were: family abandonment, diseases, bigamy, mixing of blood, one of the spouses becoming a monk, the man's theft, social differences, age mismatch or sodomy, according to the book of the Romanian researcher Constanta Vintilă-Ghitulescu “In breeches and turbans. Church, sexuality, marriage and divorce in the Wallachia 18th century”.

The modern context of gray divorces

Marina Edelman, a licensed couples therapist based in Los Angeles, identifies factors specific to the digital age: “Social media has allowed us to reconnect with more people. So it's definitely become easier to take the risk of trying your luck in a new relationship.”

However, beyond the excitement of new possibilities, gray divorce is often driven by factors profoundly different from those that end shorter relationships, writes self.com.

The four main causes of gray divorces

1. Accumulated silent resentment

“Usually, it's not the big, dramatic moments that end marriages. It's the little things that add up over decades,” explains Edelman.

2. Repeated infidelity: fatigue after years of betrayals

Although infidelity is a common reason for breakups at any age, couples therapist Kate Engler emphasizes its major role in gray divorces. “In many cases, it's a long-standing pattern of infidelity that has been repeated over time,” she explains.

As you grow older, reflection on the final chapters of life becomes inevitable. “There comes a point where people just say, 'This is not going to change. I've been through this so many times that it's time to end it,'” says Engler.

3. Disconnection after the children leave the house

For some couples, raising children isn't just part of the marriage—sometimes it's the marriage itself.

“Often, children become a buffer,” Engler explains.

The daily hustle and bustle of packing lunches, throwing parties and preparing for college “makes it easy to avoid problems in your relationship.” Once the kids move out and the house settles down, couples often face the painful reality: their bond may have been built more on co-parenting than genuine love.

4. Health and care concerns

As we age, abstract questions suddenly become concrete and urgent: Do you trust this person to take care of you when you are seriously ill? Are you willing and able to commit to supporting her when she needs you?

In Engler's experience, women especially face this moment of reckoning: “They'll see a friend going through an illness and think, 'Would my spouse be there for me?'” If the answer is not a resounding yes, these doubts can become strong enough to lead to divorce.

Gray divorces are more than just a statistic – they reflect profound changes in the way we understand marriage, personal happiness and the right to a second chance, regardless of age. In a society that is living longer and changing faster than ever, the question is no longer “why do couples divorce after so many years together?”, but rather “what do these divorces teach us about the courage to choose fulfillment, even late in life?”.