What parents have to do in order not to traumatize their children with school. The devastating effects of the learner with force

The school should be a place of student training and not one of the trauma. And this depends the most parents and teachers, say specialists in pediatric psychiatry. More and more Romanian students have performance anxiety especially due to family claims, but also teachers.

School should be a shutterstock photo pleasure

There are only a few days until the beginning of the school year, and children and parents entered the fever of preparations. For part of the students the beginning of the school represents a chore. And this in the conditions in which they have to be strongly drawn to get high grades, to thank their parents or to meet the expectations of more severe teachers.

Specialists in pediatric psychiatry say that school life should be a pleasure, a constructive approach to any child, to open the horizon of a social and professional future. And in no case trauma. And the difference is made by the parents first and then the teachers say Maria Dardai, a specialist in pediatric psychiatry, the head of the Mental Health Center in Botosani, who also offers a series of tips precisely to avoid trauma that can have deep effects for the rest of their lives.

Parental pride, anxious and overwhelmed students

First of all, the specialist Maria Dardai says that the number of children with problems of adaptation or learning is increasing. And with the beginning of the school year, the addressability usually increases. “With the beginning of the school year there is an increased addressability. They come in more children, with various problems. They are generally those who have difficulty in this area related to school, learning, adaptation.”says Maria Dardai.

And these problems differ according to age. For example, separation anxiety occurs in preschoolers.

“There are things that can be seen since the kindergarten.states the Botosani psychiatrist.

In the case of children of school age, especially of the secondary schools, anxiety related to school performance appears. That fear of not being good enough. And the specialist says that this situation usually appears because of the exaggerated claims of the parents. Maria Dardai shows that students should not be forced exaggeratedly, pressed to achieve exceptional results just to meet parents' pride.

“In the school age, that performance anxiety appears. We are talking about the fear of not making mistakes, of not getting a small note, especially if there is that parental pattern in which very good school results are required. For example, those who believe that the eight note is a weak note and the child is for a good result. Unique, it has its own potential, we force them for nothing.says Maria Dardai.

In addition, Professor Cristina Bălăucă, deputy general school inspector and the mother of a former international Olympic also say that the little ones should not be arguing for failures or thrown in an area of ​​harmful competition. They should not be forced to participate in school competitions, Olympics if they do not want it.

“Competition is very important, but it is a constructive competition. It should not be compared to others, quarreling with others. Our children must be taught to lose. There are many children who at the first failure, give up. No, the first failure you have to ambitant more, especially if it is the field that you like.says Cristina Bălăucă.

In addition, in order to avoid this fear of failure, this performance anxiety, the child must constantly know that the parent is with him and will support him even in the event of a failure. In this way he prepares him psychically to cope with tests, exams.

“During the exams, tests, competitions, it does not matter how much you have learned. For many, good children are blocked. It is very important to know and understand by leaving home at that exam or competition, that it may not cope, but there is no problem, we will not learn. It is impossible not to have emotions, no matter how well prepared you are.adds Cristina Bălăucă.

Children should be discovered and helped to develop their skills

Doctor Maria Dardai says that she is primarily the father's task of discovering her own child and reconciling what she has found there. That is, to see what his skills are and let him develop.

“A parent who has a good connection with his child understands these things. He sees that the child, for example, is very good at calculations, quickly learns mathematical reasoning. Instead, the class only passes. It is very important to encourage him in that field, to appreciate his qualities and to do everything possible. In the primary classes, all students must know how to read, write, learn the multiplication table, basic notions of history, geography, environment.says Maria Dardai.

“All students can perform, it is impossible not to have something to excel. Only that potential should first be discovered and then used. First of all, it is about supporting the family. When the parent discovered that the child can do something, to perform, in a field but he tells him:” Isn't it useful “or” what does it have “? The child will no longer think about doing something. It's like a revolt. As long as you discover in your child that he could go on a certain way, let him do that, even if there is football, mathematics, theater, any subject of which he is passionate. “adds Cristina Bălăucă.

What can overload and forced performance lead to

Experts also say that students should not be forced to perform in areas that only parents want. That is, what they have failed to do or just to continue a family tradition. And the consequences can be devastating on the psychic of that child, in the long term.

“Some time ago it was such a custom in the families of doctors to continue to form doctors. It was possible for that child to not want her medicine. It is just an example. There are situations in which the parent wants his own child to follow his career or to prepare for a job that he wanted to do, To develop a lot of disorders, even disorders of a psychic nature.adds Maria Dardai.

Without rules and limits it cannot be

At the same time, the Botosani specialist says that teachers also have to show tact and pedagogical inspiration when working with different types of students. That is, to know who to impose limits and which to encourage more. Obviously, without exaggerated severity that can inhibit the most shy.

“There are very smart children who have no learning problems but have an anxiety tendency. Especially if he is a severe teacher who raises the student and has an extremely critical, harsh, rigorous approach. Then he takes him to an inhibition area and forgets everything he has learned. And here it depends on the experience and the pedagogical qualities and the teacher of the teacher and the teacher. the potential ”adds the psychiatrist.

However, says the specialist, parents and teachers should not slip into the other extreme. That is, the fear of not traumatizing the child in any way or not making him fear of school, they get to approach too light, to allow any child. Maria Dardai says that clear rules and limits are also beneficial in school education. “The rules and limits, my opinion, have their meaning, in the family, in school, in society. To give you an example: How would we have no rules on the roads when we go by car?”says the doctor Maria Dardai.