This text is based on a conversation with Madalyn Conchola, who lives in Phoenix. The adoption included four granddaughters aged 7 to 19. She admitted that it was very difficult financially, but the girls were doing well. The interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.
I was an empty nester for a short time and now I have adopted my four granddaughters, ages 7 to 19. My son's daughter came to me in 2019, when she was 10 months old. In 2021, I also welcomed my daughter's three daughters, ages 12, 16 and 19.
I am an IT analyst in the medical technology sector and have been working in this industry for 16 years. I work remotely to combine professional duties with raising my youngest daughter, who is now 26 years old. She lives with me, but works and has her own life – I don't want to burden her with the responsibility of raising her grandchildren. When I was already an “empty nester”, I planned missionary activity abroad and a career change towards art.
My two older children were doing well and had families of their own. That's when I found out they both struggled with substance addiction.
I first took in my son's daughter, and soon after, with the help of child welfare services, I brought in my older daughter's daughters.
I encountered a lot of resistance in my family
Some of the extended family believed that if I took over the care of the children, my daughter would be left to her own devices, without any responsibility for them. My daughter was full of anger about this situation, but I didn't want my children to be drawn into what she had to go through to heal. I told her I wouldn't let her expose the children to all this.
I had recently moved to a smaller apartment before adopting children, but with four grandchildren I needed a bigger house and a bigger car.
At the same time, I lost my mother in 2020 and my brother in 2021. We lived in my mother's house for three years while I sorted out her affairs. At the beginning of 2026, I completed the formalities related to the inheritance and moved to a rented apartment.
Everything happened very quickly. I felt that the girls did not want to live with their grandmother. They had a lot of mental problems, so I signed them up for therapy. There is no “playbook” for grandparents who have to raise children again, and it was very surreal for me – like it wasn't my life.
I sought support from church and family, but I wasn't getting the level of help I needed. When I was their foster family, one organization provided beds and a consignment store helped with clothes. Still, I felt like there should be more organizations available to support families affected by the opioid crisis.
I closed myself off, focused on work and did what I had to do. Step by step, I tried to move forward and keep the children active. Many of my friends aren't grandparents yet or their children are doing well, so it's hard for them to understand my situation.
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The cost of living has increased greatly
I make over $70,000 a year, but the rent is now $2,250 a month because I needed a bigger apartment. I spend about $400 a month on food because everything has gone up in price. Gasoline costs me several hundred dollars a month. Total monthly expenses, including insurance and bills, amount to several thousand dollars.
I don't know how I do it, but somehow I manage. I receive support from the state in the amount of just over $2,000. monthly for children, but this does not cover all costs. When they get older, this support will stop, even if they continue to live with me.
When I saw that neither my son nor my daughter could meet the conditions to regain custody of the children, I began the adoption process because I did not want the girls to end up in the care system. I was adopted myself and I only found out about it when I was almost 29 years old. I know this pain and I wanted to spare the children from further trauma.
I focus on their mental and emotional needs
Each of them struggled with mental problems, but today they are coping much better. They learn better at school and I think they feel safe and stable with me. I feel like I'm finally getting back on my feet and can breathe a little.
Madalyn Conchola said she has become accustomed to no longer being the person whose children have left home
I am a demanding grandmother, but I try to approach each child individually and provide them with appropriate support.
My 19-year-old granddaughter studies dance. I still support her, but I work part-time. The 16-year-old is enrolled in a high school aviation program and wants to become a pilot, although she is also interested in psychology. The 12-year-old took part in cheerleading, and the 7-year-old “rules the family” and is doing great.
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My age and ability to work are a challenge for me
I recently went on a short vacation to Los Angeles to relax. I can finally think about myself because I still have a life ahead of me.
My older daughter is now sober and is rebuilding her relationship with her children. This helped a lot, especially the 12-year-old. He has his own apartment and works. The girls also reconnected with their father's family, which supports them – even though they live in a different state, they provide emotional support, send gifts and come to important events.
My son still has problems. I did everything I could to keep my family together and give my children the stability and support they needed to succeed in life.
My daughter now says: “Mom, I won't say I couldn't handle them, but I know I wouldn't raise them as well as you did. Like I carried the torch for a long time and then passed it on to you and you would see them through to the end.”
Yet the passage of time, my age, and my ability to earn money still worry me. I am looking for other ways to generate income so that I can support myself through my art and writing in the future. I also make sure my credit card debt is as low as possible.
I am preparing to write down my memories in the form of a book about my life. For a long time I wasn't ready to tell my story, but I feel it's part of my healing process. There's nothing I'm ashamed of.
The article is a translation from American edition of Business Insider
