What we can learn from children about relationships. “Parallel gaming promotes social connections and lessens the feeling of isolation”
There are those moments when you read, work or watch a series, while your partner is content with his own activities. Banal situations, which seem to have nothing special – and yet, offer a special form of social comfort.
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The phenomenon is known in developmental psychology as “parallel game”. Even if the notion is traditionally linked to childhood, specialists note that adults practice the same form of connection, adapted to the activities of adulthood.
The lesson we learn from childhood
“Parallel play” is an essential stage in the development of young children. They learn to play side by side without interacting directly. They are not isolated, but they are not actively cooperating either. It is one of the first forms of socialization and contributes to the formation of personal boundaries, self-confidence and empathy. Only later, as they grow, do the children begin to play together.
Adults also frequently practice this form of closeness, even if the activities are different. Reading, watching a movie, or simply co-existing in the same space produce the same familiar state of comfort: the feeling of being with someone, without the obligation of a continuous dialogue.
More than comfort for introverts
Although it seems like a practice specific to introverts, “parallel play” has broader benefits. Psychiatrist Sasha Hamdani explains to Oprah Daily that this form of “being together but apart” can reduce feelings of loneliness.
“Parallel gaming fosters social connections and lessens the feeling of isolation,” specifies the specialist. “It creates opportunities for bonding around common interests, contributing to emotional well-being and stronger relationships.”
The mechanism is simple: the presence of the other provides the comfort of socialization, without the pressure of constant interaction. If the urge to share a thought arises, the other person is available. If not, everyone remains engrossed in their own activity, with no awkwardness or unspoken expectations.
An indicator of healthy relationships
For many couples, “parallel play” can even be a sign of a balanced relationship. Relationship therapist Julie Menanno points out that this form of interaction is often an indicator of secure attachment.
It's the sense of comfort partners have when they know they can connect with each other at any time without needing constant attention or validation. In couples constantly on the go, pressed by hours spent at work and responsibilities, “side game” can work as an accessible form of closeness that doesn't require extra planning or emotional energy.
Moreover, this dynamic stimulates creativity and curiosity. When each person is involved in their own work, there is room for personal exploration and individual interests without them creating distance in the relationship.
3 Ways “Parallel Game” Can Positively Influence Your Relationship
Sometimes closeness is built not by words, but by mere presence, experts say, and “parallel play” remains a form of closeness that many adults practice instinctively, without giving it a name.
1. How to make room for everyone in a relationship
In any relationship, people seek a balance between closeness and autonomy. When the line between personal and couple identity begins to blur, subtle tensions can arise.
Recent studies in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology indicate that relationship-contingent self-esteem is associated with increased anxiety and emotional instability.
According to a recent article in Psychology Today, “parallel game” offers a simple alternative: closeness without losing personal space.
2. Reduces emotional exhaustion
In everyday life, relationships can quickly become a source of exhaustion. Permanent availability and continuous interaction are not always sustainable.
“Parallel play” changes the logic: presence without pressure, closeness without constant request.
The result is often counterintuitive: less interaction can mean less couple tension and more relational comfort.
3. Calmness in relationships
A relationship in which silence does not become uncomfortable often reflects a high level of trust and emotional security. “Parallel play” normalizes exactly this kind of closeness: being together without the pressure of continuous interaction.
A study published in 2024 in the journal Motivation and Emotion analyzes the concept of “intrinsically motivated silence”. The findings suggest that “shared silence”when supported by emotional connection, can contribute to a deeper sense of closeness and relational satisfaction.
Finally, relationships are maintained through attention and intention. Neglecting them can lead to a slow, often imperceptible distancing. Beyond spectacular gestures, closeness is often built in those quiet moments that convey a simple message: “I'm here.”
However, “parallel play” only works within certain limits. When it becomes the norm, the dynamic begins to raise questions. For example, a material published by “Very Well Mind” warns that time spent together – but apart, cannot compensate for the absence of shared experiences. Connection also needs active engagement.
The problem is not the silence. The problem arises when dialogue, shared activities, and intimacy begin to disappear. In addition, technology can exacerbate this imbalance. The mere fact that two partners share the same space does not automatically guarantee emotional closeness.
If it becomes the only form of “time spent together”the lack of dialogue can lead, over time, to superficial relationships or to the avoidance of unresolved issues, according to specialists.
“Balance is key”points out Menanno, quoted by “Oprah Daily“. The moments of “shared silence” they must be alternated with spending real quality time together – genuine conversations, joint activities. “The Parallel Game” it is a valid form of connection, but not the only one necessary in a healthy relationship.
