I was 49 years old when I bought my first car. I've never had to do this before because I've had my husband take care of it for the last 20 years. He was the one who dealt with insurance, investments and large purchases such as phones and cars. And then we broke up.
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I knew we had a bank account because I wrote checks from it for household expenses. But I didn't know how the money miraculously appeared in my account every month and I had no idea where our other accounts were. (or how many of them we had).
My then partner and I had retirement accounts, but it had been years since I stopped working to stay home with our daughter. I didn't know how to find my own account, let alone his.
“I need to know where our accounts are,” I remember telling my ex on the phone a few months after we broke up. Then it dawned on me: this is not “us” anymore.
I had to become financially independent
If I wanted to protect myself and my future, I had to figure it out myself. My friend and I were searching through files in a metal filing cabinet that used to be in our home office.
We arranged credit card bills, insurance policies and bank statements on the dining room table, and on Saturday morning we made hundreds of photocopies. Her hand rested calmly on my back as I felt overwhelmed and scared.
Although my husband had quarterly conversations with a financial advisor, I never asked to participate in those conversations. When we separated and I contacted our advisor for account information, he informed me that I was no longer his client.
Then my dad connected me with his financial advisor. After talking to her, I felt safe and more confident. She has helped me understand my budget and what I can and cannot afford now that my situation has changed.
Return to the labor market
It's also time to find a job. I have alternated between working and not working since my daughter was born 15 years ago. Now I needed a steady income and health insurance.
See also: Experienced expert in job searching. It indicates the most common mistake we make at the very beginning
A contact from a colleague from my previous job helped me get an opportunity that seemed like a gift from the Universe. I have been working in this position for seven years and it not only provides me with a living: it is an anchor, stable under my feet.
Professional success made me feel proud of myself as a professional, something I had lost in my roles as a wife and mother.
Looking back, I wish I had been more involved in the financial decisions that went into running our shared household.
However, the “big decisions” that I used to leave in my husband's hands, I have now learned to make myself. In the years after my divorce, I learned how to buy phones and computers, home appliances and cars.
I renovated flooded basements, managed tree removal, knew who to call when a chimney was falling, and filed my own tax returns.
Although my upcoming retirement looks very different than I imagined, it will be on my terms. I can live the way I want, travel where I want (within my budget) and pursue my dreams and hobbies without remorse.
I wish I could go back in time and tell a younger, scared version of myself that it would be okay — that she is stronger than she feels and smarter than she thinks.
I would tell her to keep moving forward toward the light at the end of the tunnel because a new life awaits her.
The above text is a translation from American edition of Business Insider
