Psychologist, warning for parents: “an apparently good teenager can boil inside and explode.” 7 Signs of alarm to be followed

A 17 -year -old teenager from Bucharest, considered “very good” by teachers, came to the attention of Romanian and American authorities after sending threats with armed attacks to dozens of schools and hospitals. Specialists point out that retired, retired teenagers who seem “in their place” can accumulate resentments that can become dangerous. Here's how parents can help them sail healthy in this period full of ups and downs.

With slammed and naughty replicas, adolescent anger is easy to recognize. Harder to see is silent anger: teenagers who do not raise the tone, do not create problems and are perceived as “good” and “quiet”. Behind this image there may be intense emotional tensions. Psychologist Ruxandra Serse explains the mechanisms, signals and solutions for parents and teachers.

Case study: The teenager “very good”

“Following the statements of colleagues and teachers, we discover a quiet child, who did not have problems, he was more alone and had no close friends. It is the image of the quiet teenager: silent, withdrawn, apparently without conflicts, but in reality to express his experiences and to be heard,” says psychologist Ruxandra Serse.

The young man sent threatening emails to several schools in Romania, symbolically even the preparatory class. According to the psychologist, choosing such a small target can mean an unresolved conflict with his own early vulnerability: “The little child who suffered from loneliness and rejection is now punished, and the 17 -year -old assumes the aggressor's role, feeling that he regains power,” points out the psychologist. The case shows that the image of “teenage model” does not exclude the existence of deep emotional problems.

“Quiet” teenage profile – alarm signs

The profile of the quiet teenager is generally that of the young man who respects the rules, does not create problems, is lonely, has no close friends, does not bother and does not raise the tone. For parents and teachers, it seems the ideal: it does not bother, it does not go out. “” But behind this behavior can often hide a much more complex reality: a sensitivity to rejection, the tendency to suppress her anger and a great need to be seen and recognized. Aggression does not disappear; it accumulates and seeks, sooner or later, a valve. Instead of the small rebellion, the rebellion, to explode in a disproportionate form: a radical gesture, a shocking threat, an identification with the aggressor. End, notice, ”says psychologist Ruxandra Sersa.

However, it wants to mention that not all retired teenagers are dangerous. But the persistent withdrawal, combined with social isolation and lack of friends, can be an alarm signal. “An apparently good teenager can boil inside and can explode when he feels he has no other way to hear,” she says. Therefore, the “good” label does not have to be an adult shield. Teachers and parents have to observe if the teenager has relationships, express emotions and feels integrated, not only if they respect the rules.

Silent anger: mechanisms and risk

“Emotions do not disappear if you bury them; they gradually accumulate and turn into hard to manage tension,” explains the specialist. Quiet teenagers can sublimate their anger through healthy activities – sports, art, volunteering – but those who do not find an acceptance space learn to suppress it. Silence and shyness become protective strategies to avoid rejection and criticism. Over time, this strategy transforms pain into bitterness, resentment and, in extreme cases. Their inner world becomes black and white: well versus bad, opposite camps, without shades. The increased sensitivity to injustice and equity makes them vulnerable to radical messages, and online platforms offer them exactly the content that validates their anger.

“The withdrawn teenagers are often spectators of the group. They observe, understand unwritten rules and seek anchoring points that give them safety. This silent anger is not visible, but it manifests itself subtle: by withdrawal, restlessness, nervous gestures, difficulty concentrating, obsessive consumption of radical online content.

Silent but visible: the alarm signals of the teenager “in his place”

Not every silence hides danger, but there is a set of clues that, viewed together and persistent over time, outlines an increased risk. Below are concrete signals, detached from the analysis of psychologist Ruxandra Sersea, who are worth observed systematically (in family and school):

• 1. Relations. He is lonely almost all the time – he does not even have a close friend, he constantly avoids group activities; He stays “on the edge” in the activities of the class – he is “invisible”, does not ask for help, does not initiate dialogue; Consistently refuses social invitations, including activities that they liked before.
• 2. Behavior. He progressively withdraws from everything he liked or has no favorite activity; give up “for no reason” for important activities for him; it is hypervigilant or manifests a state of bodily nervousness (tics, repetitive movements, tight fists); has sudden changes in the sleep program and food; It seems to be always tired.
• 3. Emotions. Has difficulty calling what he feels; Give monosyllabic answers when asked “How are you?”; It tends to minimize or constantly deny its own upset (“there is nothing”, “it doesn't matter”); It has rare but disproportionate emotional explosions to context (online or private).
• 4. Thinking. There is a black and white speech about the world (“either you are good, or you are bad”), without nuances; manifest fixation on the topics of injustice/punishment; It has fantasies of “restoring order”; It is self-based (“I do not value anything”, “there is no point”).
• 5. Performance at school. Manifests a sudden decrease in attention and quality of themes; It has “silent” absences – it does not chose “classic” with its group with a friend, noisy and told on WhatsApp, but is missing sporadically or frequently without announcing and without attracting attention; avoids the subjects/activities that involve public exposure (presentations, projects); does not ask for clarifications even when he does not understand.
• 6. On-line behavior. Consume radical/punitive content, pages that glorify force or humiliation; frequent online groups with harsh rules/rigid hierarchies, where they seek status and “sense”; Send private messages with hostile, ghost or “warning” tint.
• 7. Personal and family context. Has a history of rejection, mockery or humiliating comparisons (home/school); He does not have a person with whom he can speak authentic, regularly; There is no safe space for him for controlled anger (sports, art, counseling).

Important: One or two signals, occasional, are natural in adolescence. The risk increases when the clues are multiple, persist for several weeks/months and amplifies. Then it is the time for a calm discussion, coordinated parent-dyriginte-consilier observation and, if necessary, psychological evaluation.

How can parents and teachers create safe spaces

“These children can be helped if we start to see them truly. Not only to be glad that” I do not worry “. Sometimes, this apparent silence hides a deep suffering. When, in a place where there should be life and movement, it reigns too much silence and isolation, it should be a signal for the child, and in the child. Inclusion, to learn to relate, express their emotions and find a place in the community, ”says Sersa.

In the family, parents can introduce discussion routines without judgment, they can offer options for expression – sports, art, collective activities. The safe spaces involve active listening, the lack of shame and the availability to validate the teen's emotions.

At school, teachers can involve retired teenagers in group projects, they can collaborate with the school counselor. Online platforms, where young people find validation for their emotions, can be counterbalanced with real relationships and early interventions. In addition, special adaptation and inclusion programs can teach them to relate, express their emotions and find their place in the community. Thus, anger becomes a recognized and constructively channeled emotion, not a clock bomb.