Why make children today? Wrong reasons vs correct reasons. “Making a child for” having someone to love you “is wrong”

The daughter Romanian proverb “Who has, to live, who, no, does not want”, seems to be more current than ever. Especially for the new generations of young people who value career, financial safety, well -being, personal comfort and few responsibilities. Under these conditions, the establishment of a family and bringing children to the world seem to be more and more distant aspirations. Especially since, in Romania, there are not sufficient homes for young people, the jobs are worse, and the infrastructure and social services to help families with children are deficient. Bringing children to the world is, of course, a very personal decision. However, the reasons must be the correct ones, because otherwise they are in absolutely traumatic situations, they attract the attention of psychologists.

Author Peg Streep, a contributor to Psychology Todayhe tells that, almost a decade, he interviewed adult daughters of non -ubtic mothers. She herself was such a daughter. And, the next question after “why didn't he love me?” It was usually “why did he have me?”. A rather rhetorical than negative question, the author's point. But a question that hung hard, somewhere, there, waiting for an answer that has no chance to come.

“The decision must be taken with maximum responsibility”

The reasons why people make children are, of course, complicated. From ancient Egypt and even before, people had children because, first of all, it was difficult to avoid having them. In tribal societies, agrarian, children represented a potential labor force and a number that increased the power and importance of the group. The sons were the ones who protected the property from generation to generation, and the daughters – especially those with great chances of marriage – were those through which new alliances were consolidated, money and power were acquired. Even then, the author points out, people had children because they wanted them.

I admit from the beginning, this note, that the discussion about having or not children is one of interest to me: “I strongly believe that the decision to become a parent is an important one that should be taken with the greatest possible responsibility. I say this not only from the position of unmixed daughter, who listened to hundreds and hundreds of testimonies of some children who have not become adults, who have not become adults, but they have not become adult, He decided not to have children, because, at the age of 40, to change his decision. ”

Maternity, acknowledged Peg Streep, was the greatest achievement of her life. What for a feminist is a statement that matters. “This does not mean that I always excel in the role of mother (only ask my daughter) or that I did not make mistakes. I did and admit that what I did wrong formed my child as much or probably more than the things I did well. The studies have shown that the pain you challenge has a greater influence.

“It should not be blinded in the status of parent”

According to the author, there are both good reasons to bring children to the world and extremely wrong reasons. Of the latter, the first on the list is to make a child to “have someone to love you”: “I had a number of women who brought this argument in the office. In most cases, it is hoped that a child will be a support in the pain caused by non -ubstant parents or by failed relationships. A adventures of one night, that “was the most selfish thing I have ever done.” Or, this was a recipe for disaster. “

The second wrong reason is that another person is waiting for this from you. No matter who that person is – the life partner, the parent or even as a result of social pressure. The decision to have a child must be assumed by a person at all levels, because it represents a huge commitment. The effort to raise the child or children is extremely high, so it is good to be inspired by one's own person and not to respond to someone else's expectations. It should not be blindly entered in the status of parent, but by a careful weighing of their own needs and the ability to care for someone who depends entirely on you. Otherwise, it can be reached in the situation where the child has everything he needs materially, but nothing he needs emotionally.

You give meaning to life, not the child

Not even having a child to have a purpose in life is not desirable. Because, in the end, each person decides what it gives meaning to his life and we cannot force another person to fulfill this role. The role of the child is not to make someone's life look better or richer than it is in reality.

Another reason as common, so wrong is that if you make a child the marriage will remain on the waterline. Equally wrong is to force someone to formalize the relationship because a child will come to the world. Or, it is hard to believe that the stress of raising a child will be able to repair a more or less failed relationship.

Fear of rejection or social stigma towards those without children is another wrong reason to become a parent. Many people – women especially – “feel less women” if they have no children, but it is just a prejudice and not a healthy motivation to become a parent.

“I am one of the four sisters and the only one without children. That differentiated me, and not in a good way, especially since I was able to have them. Both my parents and my brothers saw my choice as a” proof “of how selfish and self-centered. He decided with his husband not to make children.

“It is good to do the way you like it”

More and more young adults choose not to bring children to the world and because the representation in the media has normalized the lifestyle without children. Extremely popular American series such as Friends, Seinfeld and Sex and the City have helped normalize the choice not to have children and to have a fulfilled life in their absence. The increasingly visible tendency today on TV and online, stressed the psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis, quoted by Psychology Today.

And last but not least, it is about economic and social factors. The growth of children has never been cheap, says Gillis, but having a family today imposes additional challenges: from housing costs to those with education, children's care, health and more.

All in one place contributes to the decision to say no to the quality of parent.

Study The Experiences of US Adults Who Don't Have Children -The experiences of American adults without children-published by the Pew Research Center in 2024-shows that many say that the lack of children allowed them to get more easily, to have time for hobbies and other interests, as well as to save money for a safer future.

“For anyone who is questioning their choice, it must be clear: not having children is a valid option, and a person's life can be fulfilled by following their own rules,” concludes Gillis.

“It matters a lot that every couple partner knows himself”

The best, says psychologist psychotherapist Miruna Jovin, to do as she likes. One's happiness does not belong to the number of children or their lack. “” Probably happy are the ones who, whether they have children or not, manage to make their relationship work well for both partners involved. Although in families with children there is an increase in the degree of happiness around the birth date, there is also a decrease in satisfaction about the life of the couple. the partner with empathy and respect ”.

There are couples without children and with children who have a good relationship as there are the other part, partners who do not understand each other, whether or not they have children, says the psychotherapist.

“It matters a lot that every couple partner knows himself, be aware of his own emotional baggage and willing to build with the one next to him. And even if families are a lot in some cases and they were initially a couple,” concludes Miruna Jovin.

More than two children/woman for birth to grow

The decrease of the birth rate is a phenomenon that manifests itself throughout Europe, in Romania, but last year, the number of live births, registered with the civil status offices, was 148,916, the smallest issue of 1930, according to the data The National Institute of Statistics.

Compared to 2023, according to the same source, in 2024, there were with 15,088 fewer people. More than half of the number of babies – (51.5% respectively 76,696 children) were boys, and the masculinity report was 106 boys per 100 girls. The birth rate was, in 2024, 6.8 births to 1,000 inhabitants, decreasing from that of 2023 (when 7.5 births were registered to 1,000 inhabitants).

In order for the birth rate to grow every woman in fertile age should bring more than two children into the world. “The 1961 generation was the last to ensure the level of replacement. All the other generations have the final descent below the replacement level,” said in January 2022, prof. Dr. Vasile Ghețău, quoted by Hotnews.

The Eurostat publication – the demography of Europe 2025 – shows that while in the last two decades – that is, from 2004 to 2024 – the EU population has increased by 4%, reaching 449, 2 million inhabitants, eight countries have experienced a strong population decline. Thus, absolute growths were registered in France and Spain-each with more than six million inhabitants-while Romania leads to the top of absolute descendants, with a minus of two and a half million inhabitants, followed by Poland and Bulgaria.

The same statistical data of Eurostat also show that the age at which women become mothers for the first time has grown throughout the EU, at an average of 29.8 years, in 2023. According to this criterion, the oldest mothers are Italians, with an average of 31.8 years at the first birth, followed by Irish – 31.6 years and women in Spain – 31.5. At the opposite end, the youngest are in Bulgaria – 26.9 – Romania – 27.1 – and Slovakia – 27.3 years. At the same time, the statistics show that between 2003 and 2023, the proportion of women who bring children to the age of 40 was doubled, reaching 6.1% of the total.