I met my husband and father of my children, when I was only in my second year of study, I lived with my parents and I was 19. He had 29, lived in his own house, ran his own company and was already the father of a 3-year-old son.
At the beginning of our relationship, the age difference was most visible in the way we thought. I was just studying adulthood, and he already knew who he was. He actively raised a child, and I was a child a few years earlier.
Despite this, I immediately loved and began to co -host his son. Three years later we began to have our own children and entered a completely new path of development.
Raising children. At the beginning we had to set boundaries
When only our oldest (my bonus son “, as I call him), set boundaries. I allowed my husband to deal with the majority of cases related to discipline and never undermined his decision, even if I had a different opinion. Respecting the fact that he was his biological father (in the boy's life his mother was also present), I knew that I was not.
When I gave birth to my first biological child, I remember struggling with the thought of: “This is fully my child. It is not more mine than his. He is the same as my son as my husband.”
I also felt less competent at times, Because I knew that my husband had brought up a baby once, and I was just learning what to do. Our son as a newborn baby was very colic, and my husband was able to calm him well. Do you know how you keep someone else's child who begins to cry and reflex them to your parents? Several times I found myself doing this with my own child – giving them to my husband. It made me feel like I couldn't take care of my son.
In time, we changed the perspective and adapted the plans
The third child joined our family – daughter – when the oldest was 10 years old and the younger son four. I liked such a distribution in time – I felt that I had space to fully enjoy the youngest years of each of them.
When my daughter was born, my husband began to think more about his age, which influenced our family plans.
I do not want to be in retirement age when our youngest finishes high school
He said.
And although many people choose children aged 40+, my husband did not want it and I respected it.
This made me think about my “biological watch” faster. We wanted another child, but we had to reduce the distance between the third and fourth – our last son was born a month before the second birthday of his daughter.
Joint parenting. Time taught us a lot
Today, after more than a decade of joint parenting, the age difference, which once seemed to be a clear abyss in experience, became a balance.
There are moments when our views on education are different – I want to give children a loan of trust, and he prefers to stick to a consistent discipline to teach their lessons – but these are no longer a reason for quarrels. This is an element that makes our parenting work.
Our children get the best from us, and I believe that this age difference gives us more to offer, not less.
The above text is a translation with American Business Insider edition
