When a 40 -year -old man seduces a girl of 14, it's not love. Psychologist: “It is a form of emotional manipulation, extremely dangerous, which bears the name of grooming”
Sometimes, behind the silence of a girl is hiding a relationship that consumes it, isolates it, changes it. Photo: Shutterstock
At 14, a girl can be enchanted by a mature man who makes her feel seen and chosen. But behind the attention is often hidden a form of emotional manipulation of minors called “Grooming” – a dangerous process, but little understood by parents. Psychologist Raluca Predescu explains the steps of this process, the vulnerabilities of adolescents and the mistakes that parents make when they discover what happens to their daughters.
On May 31, 2025, in a residential complex on the outskirts of the capital, a 23-year-old was deadly shot by a 26-year-old man, who was obsessive since she was only 14 years old. The death of Teodora Marcu sparked protests and hastened a legislative change, but the real question for any parent remains: how was it possible? Why did such a young girl get into a relationship with an adult? And why did no one intervene then? Psychologist Raluca Predescu warns that what seems, at first, a “love story” between an adult and a minor is, in fact, a form of emotional manipulation that is difficult to detect, extremely dangerous, which bears the name of Grooming.
What is the grooming?
Grooming represents “the process by which an adult gains the confidence of a minor in order to exploit it, either emotionally or psychologically or sexually,” summarizes the psychologist. At first it may seem harmless: a mature man offers emotional support to a teenager, compliments and validates whatever he says. But, as the psychologist Raluca Predescu warns, these gestures create an unhealthy attachment, in which the child no longer distinguishes the danger. In time, the attention and affection with which it is flushed strengthens the illusion that it would be “special, valuable, chosen”.
Emotional needs and vulnerabilities of adolescents
In adolescence, as Predescu explains, “girls have a deep need to be seen, chosen, understood, validated, and the self -image is extremely fragile and in training.” If these needs are not satisfied healthy – for example, by parental affection – any attention from an adult may seem tempting. The absence or non -involvement of a father strengthens the danger even more: in such cases “it is possible for the teenager to look for older masculine figures, precisely to fill that void.”
When a 14-15-year-old girl feels that she is “seen” by a mature man, the phenomenon acquires an air of achievement: “The attention of this adult can arouse a sense of value, feel special, important, chosen,” says the psychologist, and the fact that he is treated “as an adult” gives him an illusion of power and autonomy. But this perception is cunning: adolescence is still deeply affected by overwhelming emotions and unstable self -image; Against this background, its vulnerability can be exploited and used by the adult, creating complexes and long -term fears. In fact, a relationship between an adult and a minor has no way to be balanced: the adult has control, and the dynamics is not about love, but about “control, domination, tax”.
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