Excessive self -criticism grinds emotionally and limits the ability to live balanced. Unfortunately, many people get to treat themselves with a harshness that they would not tolerate to others. The practice of self -kindness can radically change this pattern.
Modern psychology shows that people who cultivate self -pity enjoy better mental health, resist stress and develop healthy interpersonal relationships.
What does the kindness of self actually mean
According to Harvard Business Review, the self -pity is based on four main elements: a gentle and friendly tone in the dialogue with itself, the aware that the pain is part of the universal human experience, a balanced approach to difficult emotions – that does not suppress them, but not amplify them – and assuming the responsibility to make the best decision in the context.
For example, a simple but effective question can be: “Why do I need it now?” This helps to choose what is really suitable in a particular situation. If the tendency to control everything or to exaggerate with worries, a message like “let things sit for a while” appear. Other times, self -pity means exactly the opposite of renunciation – more discipline. If avoiding a pregnancy causes anxiety, then the beginning of that activity becomes an act of self -care.
Other times, self -pity means self -irony. For example, even after years of experience, thoughts of the type “I have nothing valuable to say, I am not good”. Instead of taking those thoughts seriously, a healthy approach can be an autoronic one: “Of course, you forgot everything you knew overnight.”
The relaxed tone helps you to get out of the vicious circle of the self and return with your feet on the ground.
And sometimes, self -pity means changing the way you relate to features like perfectionism. A perfectionist could think: “I have to get out of the first one, otherwise I will not receive any other opportunity.”
This pressure paralyzes. A more balanced approach could be: “It is natural for things to not come out flawless from the beginning. I can ask for help. I can correct along the way. This is how everything is worth it.”
The self -pity does not mean ignoring the mistakes, but putting them in perspective: not everything goes great, but that does not mean that everything is a failure.
The science behind the self -pity
Psychologist Kristen Neff has studied over 15 years the benefits of self -pity. His research has shown that people who practice self -pity are less likely to criticize and have a lower risk of anxiety and depression.
Neuroscience confirms these observations. When a person adopts a gentle attitude towards himself, the same circuits involved in the feeling of reward, similar to those who are triggered by an altruistic gesture, are activated in the brain. In this process, serotonin is released – the hormone associated with the well -being that induces calmly and favors the appearance of positive emotions.
Practical strategies to cultivate self -kindness
Many people don't realize how hard they talk to themselves. He often addresses words he would never use with friends or family. Dr. Elena Touroni, a clinical psychologist says: “Replacing the inner dialogue in a milder, more compassionate and forgiving voice is one of the most transformers for mental and emotional well -being.”
For those who have become accustomed to self -criticism, the gentleness of itself may seem initially unnatural. Here are some concrete approaches that can help transform the relationship with your own person.
1. Detecting interior critic
The first stage consists of raising awareness of the inner dialogue. The critic in the mind can be so well rooted that the person gets to confuse him with his own identity. It is useful to see what kind of stories this voice says and what tone it uses. In times when a hard attitude towards itself, can a step back to analyze: “Is there evidence to support this conviction about me?”, “Is there a more realistic way to look at the situation?”
2. Cultivating a positive interior language
Instead of expressions of the type “I have broken everything”, we can learn milder answers, such as: “I have done everything I could”, “I will find a solution”, “I am prepared for this.” This change does not occur overnight, but through constant exercise, the new inner language can become natural.
3. Conscious presence in the face of difficult emotions
Emotional discomfort – whether it's sadness, guilt or anxiety – it's hard to take and, often, the reflex is to be ignored or driven away. However, instead of running away from difficult feelings, you can learn to observe them and understand them. Over time, this exercise opens the way to a more balanced and sincere relationship with itself.
4. Bad without guilt
For many, leisure time comes with a feeling of guilt, as if it would need a justification to take a break. A healthier alternative is to be planned early, with the same seriousness as any other commitment. There is no need for big gestures – sometimes, a longer sleep, a quiet breakfast or a hurry, they are enough to remind your body and mind that well -being is not a bonus, but a priority.
5. Daily personal care rituals
It is very important that every day you will dedicate a few moments to things that please you. Whether it is a relaxing bath, a yoga session or reading a book – these rituals help maintain the inner balance and general well -being.
6. The anchoring currently
In times of restlessness or anxiety, a simple but effective technique is to focus on immediate physical sensations. For example, to feel the soles reach the floor, observe the breath or temperature around. This anchorage currently brings attention to the maze of thoughts back to immediate reality, generating clarity and calm.
7. Focus on authentic values
The society often promotes superficial standards of success or beauty. A healthy practice is the reorientation to authentic personal values: kindness, honesty, courage, creativity. This change of perspective reduces the pressure of complying with external arbitrary standards and cultivating the appreciation of the authentic self.
8. The practice of realistic statements
Statements should not be positively positive to be effective. Simple formulations such as “grow and learn every day”, “I make progress in my pace” or “I accept as I am now” I can counteract the internal negative dialogue.
9. Friendship test
A simple way to change the perspective is to wonder how you would react if a close friend would go through the same situation. Most of the time, the tone and words would be much milder. Observing this difference reveals how harsh the inner dialogue can be. And exactly from there, the change can start, giving you the same understanding and compassion that you offer, without blinking, to your loved ones.
10. Cultivating gratitude
Active gratitude – writing or mere observation of things for which you are grateful – reorient the mind from lack to abundance. This practice does not require extraordinary events; Gratitude for simple things like a warm meal, a pleasant conversation or the mere fact of existence brings prospect and emotional balance.
How to overcome self -critic patterns
For people with strong self -criticism, the origin of this behavior is often found in childhood or adolescence experiences. A critical parent, a severe teacher or a competitive environment can install self -destructive thinking patterns that persist in adulthood.
The identification of the roots of the inner critical voice represents an important step in the process of change. A therapist can help explore training experiences and understand how they influence the present.
