The truth about people who work and save around the clock: why many end up feeling like life is passing them by
More and more people organize their lives almost exclusively around financial security. They constantly save, overwork, put off vacations, hobbies, and personal experiences thinking they'll “enjoy later.” But psychologists warn that this mindset can become dangerous when the concern for stability turns into a permanent form of anxiety and control.
How financial anxiety can affect relationships Photo credit: Shutterstock
The phenomenon is also intensively discussed in online communities dedicated to financial independence and early retirement, known as FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early). On Reddit, thousands of users talk about the fear of reaching old age with money in their account but no fond memories, relationships or the feeling that they've really lived.
Ileana Ilie: “Life becomes organized exclusively around optimization and preparation for the future”
Clinical psychologist and integrative psychotherapist Ileana Ilie explains, for “Adevărul”, that the problem is not the financial discipline itself, but the moment when saving becomes the main mechanism by which people try to control their anxiety.
“Many people think the problem is overwork or an obsession with saving. In reality, the problem arises when financial security becomes the main way a person tries to control the anxiety and uncertainty of life,” states this.
The specialist says that more and more people are developing what she calls a “life starts later“.
“People get into a logic of continuous procrastination: I'll relax after I save enough, I'll travel later, I'll enjoy life after I reach a certain financial threshold. The problem is that that threshold is constantly moving.” explains Ileana Ilie.
According to her, people are becoming more and more financially efficient, but more and more emotionally disconnected from the present.
“In therapy, I frequently see extremely disciplined and responsible people who have built financial stability, but who no longer have real access to spontaneity, relaxation, or a sense of living in the present,” she says.
“I survived effectively, but I didn't really live”
The psychologist draws attention to the fact that many people reach adulthood with the feeling that they have spent their lives exclusively preparing for the future.
“Many people reach their 50s and 60s feeling like they've effectively survived, but they haven't felt like they've really lived. Not because they didn't have money, but because they've constantly put off the experiences that gave life meaning.”
The same idea appears in numerous testimonies on Reddit. For example, one user tells that his father passed away at the age of 60, without anyone expecting it, which is why he now refuses to postpone important experiences: “Yes, save, but take the trip you want now. Call your friends,” he writes.
Another user says he started traveling after his father died at age 52 and says he doesn't regret spending money on experiences and trips around the world at all.
Denisa Zdrobiș: “Saving is no longer a tool that supports life, but becomes life itself”
Systemic psychotherapist Denisa Zdrobiș says that, in many cases, the excessive need to save hides emotional anxiety and permanent fear of insecurity.
“In recent years, more and more people are talking about financial independence, savings, security and the need to prepare for “dark days”. On the surface, it seems like a responsible and mature attitude. The problem arises when saving is no longer a life-sustaining tool, but becomes life itself”it states.
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In the office, the psychotherapist says, he frequently meets people who have worked hard and saved money for years, but who feel they have lost touch with joy.
“They end up saying something very painful: “I don't know how to be happy.” Or: «I kept putting off life for later and now I feel like years have passed»» she confesses.
According to Denise Zdrobiș, many of these people come from families where there were shortages and financial anxiety.
“For a child who experiences financial anxiety in the family, saving can later become not just a habit, but a psychological protective mechanism.”
FIRE Communities: “I don't want to wait for retirement to live”
The topic also comes up constantly in online communities dedicated to financial independence. On Reddit, many users say they are trying to find a balance between savings and life experiences.
One panelist says he doesn't want to sacrifice the present for hypothetical financial freedom 20 years from now.
“FIRE is a great goal, but no one should sacrifice their personal life right now for an idea that may never come to fruition”he says.
Many users report that they prefer simple and accessible experiences: camping, hiking, biking, puzzles, evenings with friends, cooking or creative hobbies.
Someone else writes that “middle years” of life are not boring at all.
“They are, in fact, the best years. Health, family, friends, children, youth… Money can't buy all these later. Don't wait to start living”states one user.
How financial anxiety can affect relationships
Denisa Zdrobiș warns that the obsession with financial control can also affect couple relationships and family life: “The oversaving partner may be perceived as rigid, emotionally unavailable, or overly controlling.”
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In many cases, explains the psychotherapist, conflicts about money hide different emotional needs.
“One seeks safety, the other seeks life, spontaneity and connection,” scores the specialist.
Moreover, children raised in such environments can pick up the same anxiety.
“Some grow up feeling that there is never enough, that they must be constantly on guard and that joy must be delayed,” she continued.
“Life doesn't start at retirement”
Both specialists say that the solution is not to give up financial responsibility, but to find a balance between financial security and enjoying the moment.
Ileana Ilie states that a healthy relationship with money requires “the ability to simultaneously build security for the future, and valuable experiences in the present.”
For her part, Denisa Zdrobiș says that people need to learn to invest in their emotional state as well, not just in their bank accounts: “It's perfectly healthy to have a fund for difficult situations. But it can be just as healthy to have a “breakfast fund'', a financial space dedicated exclusively to the joy of the present.(…) Life does not begin at retirement, nor when the account is sufficiently full. Life happens now.”
