Many of us have told ourselves that we will not be the parents who control everything, who intervene at every step, who “solve” the child's life. We know, on a theoretical level, that such a suffocating attitude does not help. And yet, in everyday life, we always push the limits.
When the child is angry, frustrated or simply doesn't know where to turn, we intervene out of reflex. We say something, offer unsolicited advice, correct, rush to “save” the situation, we know better.
We balance every day, we try to be neither too much nor too little. We are always between “I want to let him learn on his own” but “I can't let him struggle”.
A new study, published in Child Development, looks at teenagers' reactions to parents' “over-caring” behaviour. Researchers closely followed a group of teenagers for seven days and asked them, several times a day, how they felt and how “present” their parents seemed to be in their lives.
They looked at exactly those classic forms of overprotection: intrusion, excessive worry, and unnecessary help. The result does not draw comfortable conclusions for parents: adolescents reported lower mood at times when they perceived higher levels of parental overprotection.
The help that doesn't help
The result of the research contradicts the automatic reflex of the parents. Overprotection does not make children feel better. On the contrary, it is associated with negative emotions.
The study also reveals an aspect that can easily go unnoticed: excessive care works like a boomerang. The more the child goes through a state of greater discomfort, the more the parent feels the need to intervene. It's just that these interventions, perceived by the adult as help, are experienced by the child as intrusive and end up maintaining the discomfort, amplifying it or even turning it into anxiety. In short, not all help helps.
Read the rest of the article HERE.
