Why very good people sometimes end up in toxic relationships. What researchers have discovered about “bright personalities”
There are people who end up in complicated relationships over and over again. The reason may be surprisingly simple: they are more willing than others to trust and give another chance.
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I don't dismiss easily, I don't judge quickly, I see potential where others already see warning signs. They grant trust before it is earned and prefer to believe in the good side of the person in front of them, even when they have serious reasons to doubt it. It's a real quality, related to empathy and genuine openness to others. But in relationships, this very quality can become a vulnerable point.
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A study published in the journal Personal Relationships shows that highly trusting and benevolent individuals tend to reject problematic potential partners less often. The desire to see the good in people makes them less selective, and sometimes this very openness exposes them to those who know how to take advantage of them.
The researchers wanted to understand what happens before a relationship really begins. Specifically, how does each person's personality influence how the attraction between them occurs. In psychology there is a concept called complementarity, according to which people can sometimes be attracted to people who are different from them. For example, a more withdrawn person may be attracted to someone with a dominant personality.
“Finding the right partner is something most people aspire to,” Jana Sophie Kesenheimer, a researcher at the University of Innsbruck and author of the study, told PsyPost. “Studies show that partners who share similar values and beliefs tend to be more satisfied with their relationship over the long term. At the same time, differences in certain traits, such as social dominance, can also have advantages.”
The specialists wanted to test whether the idea that “opposites attract” it also works when we talk about extreme personality profiles. For this they analyzed two opposite sets of traits: the dark tetrad and the light triad.
Light Triad vs. dark tetrad: two opposite personality types
The dark tetrad brings together four traits associated with manipulation, lack of empathy, and the desire for power: narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and everyday sadism. Narcissism involves a heightened sense of superiority and a constant need for admiration. Machiavellianism describes people who use strategic manipulation to control or exploit others. Psychopathy is characterized by impulsivity and a lack of empathy, and everyday sadism involves the enjoyment of causing suffering to other people.
On the other hand, the light triad comprises three traits considered positive, centered on empathy and respect for others: humanism, belief in humanity, and Kantianism. Humanism is about respect for people and the idea that each person has value in themselves. Belief in humanity reflects the belief that people are essentially good, and Kantianism describes the tendency to treat others as persons of value in their own right, not as mere means to personal advantage.
“We wanted to look at the extremes of the human personality, the dark side and the light side,” explained Kesenheimer. “Previous studies suggest that people with light triad traits may be more easily exploited by those with dark traits. We wanted to see if this also occurs in real dating situations.”
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To test these hypotheses, the researchers organized six speed-dating sessions in May 2023. 128 people participated in the study – 66 men and 62 women. The average age of the participants was about 24, and the vast majority reported being single. In total, the researchers analyzed 1,429 heterosexual encounters.
Why benevolent people are less likely to reject problematic partners
The results show that Machiavellianism and sadism generally decrease a person's chances of success in dating. Participants with high Machiavellianism scores were less likely to be chosen as potential partners for both short-term and long-term relationships. The same was observed for people with sadistic tendencies, who were selected less often by those they met.
In contrast, narcissism and psychopathy did not have the same negative effect. People with these traits were not rejected more often than the rest of the participants. At the same time, narcissists, psychopaths, and sadists generally showed a greater interest in short-term relationships than the other participants.
Also, participants with Machiavellian traits showed interest in both short-term and long-term relationships, suggesting that their manipulative strategies can be used in multiple types of relationships. In contrast, people with light triad traits were less interested in casual dating and preferred seeing their dating partners again.
When researchers looked at how different personality types interacted with each other, they noticed that the success of people with Machiavellian or sadistic traits depended a lot on the personality of the person in front of them. When the partner scored low on the light triad traits, these people were frequently rejected. In contrast, when the partner scored high on bright traits, the rejection almost disappeared.
Not because people with bright personalities were more attracted to them. They simply rejected them less often—a subtle but important difference.
Things didn't work out and vice versa. Individuals with Machiavellian or sadistic traits did not show a particular preference for partners with bright personalities, contradicting the idea that such “opposites” would naturally be sought.
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“There doesn't seem to be a specific attraction between light and dark personalities,” says Kesenheimer. “Rather, individuals with light triad traits tend to trust people that others would reject without much hesitation.”
“People come to dating with very different goals. Some are looking for something real, others may be motivated by a desire to manipulate or control. That's why it's important to keep a critical eye, even when someone seems charming. Although when you fall in love, that becomes much harder to do.”
The authors also acknowledge the limitations of the study. The observed effects were relatively small, which means that personality is only one of the factors influencing attraction, not the only one.
“It is important to clarify that people with bright personalities – that is, confident and benevolent people – do not actively choose partners with dark traits (nor vice versa).” Kesenheimer added. “The main conclusion is different: people with bright traits are simply less likely to reject those whom others tend to reject. This shows that the tendency to see the good in people, while generally positive, can sometimes reduce the degree of selectivity in romantic relationships.”
The study, titled “Shedding Light on Dark Romance: Light Personalities' Reduced Rejection of Machiavellian and Sadistic Partners,” was conducted by Jana Sophie Kesenheimer, Amadeus Angermann, Lucia Maria Raschel and Tobias Greitemeyer.
