Are single parent children at a disadvantage? What the research shows and 4 recommendations for a healthy relationship

Parents of only one child wonder if raising them without siblings will make them more spoiled, selfish or lonely. In the absence of a brother or sister, these fears are common. Here is what recent studies that analyzed the subject show.

Romania is among the European states where families with only one child are already the majority. In 2021, over 50% of Romanian households had only one child, according to the Eurostat database. According to data from the National Institute of Statistics, the number of births continued to decrease: in 2023 there were 155,418 live births, over 10,000 fewer than in 2019.

The general trend shows that Romanian families are getting smaller, and the only child is becoming a statistical reality, not an exception. In this context, questions frequently arise related to the emotional and social impact of raising an only child and especially the guilt that many parents feel for this choice. “Does an only child with parents feel lonely?” “Will he lack social skills?” “Will he have more emotional problems if he grows up without a brother or sister?” Research contradicts these fears. A recent article published on Psychology Today shows that myths about single parents have no scientific basis.

In fact, longitudinal studies confirm that these children achieve the same levels of emotional adjustment, empathy and school success as those with siblings, when the family environment is stable and the relationship with the parents is one of quality.

What research shows about single parent children

The specialized literature has been analyzing the particularities of one-child families for over four decades, and the conclusions are constant: the status of an only child is not an emotional or social disadvantage. A meta-analysis led by researcher Toni Falbo, a specialist in single-parent child psychology, shows that there are no consistent differences in intelligence, empathy, cooperation or life satisfaction between single-parent children and those with siblings. What's more, the teacher, who has published 38 articles on this topic, says that the stereotypes about single-parent children – that they are lonely, spoiled and maladjusted, selfish and don't know how to get along with others – are, in fact, myths with deep roots in the psychology of the masses. The authors even note that, in many cases, only children report closer and more harmonious relationships with their parents, due to the time and resources invested in the parent-child relationship.

Scientific evidence indicates that the relationship between parents and an only child tends to be more stable, communicative, and emotionally supportive, not more fragile. The number of children in the family does not determine the quality of the bond, but the way parents manage to provide attention, autonomy and trust.

Why Single-Child Parents' Guilt Occurs

Single parent guilt is one of the most common themes in parenting counseling. It has no medical or educational causes, but cultural ones. In societies that have valued the “two-child” family, choosing to have only one child is often perceived as a deviation from the norm. American psychologists cited by Psychology Today show that parents face a type of social guilt – the fear of being judged for “not giving their all” or for “raising a selfish child”. These emotions come from comparisons and myths passed down between generations rather than from the reality of the child's life. “Guilt is a sign that the parent loves, but also fears judgment. Not proof that he was wrong,” writes the psychotherapist who authored the article.

The myth of the only child shows that parental guilt is often unfounded. A comprehensive study of personality now proves this myth to be unfounded. Not only is personality not determined by the order a child occupies in a family (as first, second, or nth born), but can change throughout adult life.

Psychotherapists point out that many parents project onto the child their own inadequacies or regrets related to the impossibility of having more children. To manage this guilt, psychologists recommend a realistic attitude: acknowledging the emotion, but also replacing it with concrete concerns. Guilt fades over time if it is understood as part of external pressure, not as evidence of personal failure. Essentially, the only child does not need perfect parents, but parents who are at peace with their decision.

Recommendations for a healthy parent-child relationship in single parents

Psychologists recommend some simple but essential directions to support the development of a unique child and to transform parental guilt into conscious and realistic care.

1. Provide real social contexts. The child alone with his parents is not condemned to isolation, but he needs real opportunities for cooperation: team activities, camps, reading clubs, sports. These experiences reduce the risk of social anxiety and increase negotiation skills.
2. Encourage autonomy. In single-child families, the parent tends to provide constant support. Autonomy is formed only if the adult leaves room for error and personal decision. Giving confidence means allowing the child to make mistakes without fear of disapproval.
3. Avoid emotional overprotection. Psychotherapists warn that excessive protection prevents the development of resilience. Letting him handle a problem, even a minor one, helps the child become able to deal with frustrations.
4. Validate the family decision. Implicit messages like “I wish you had a brother” can amplify the feeling of missing out. Replace them with affirmations that convey security: “We are a complete family just the way we are.”

Guilt helps neither the child nor the parent. Replaced with trust, balance and openness, it can be turned into a resource, laying the foundations for a healthy family climate, regardless of family size.