“Ego is not your enemy” writes Marcela Lobos on The Four Winds Society platform. “Nowadays it has become common to speak of the ego as an enemy to be defeated, but this is a wrong perspective if we return to its original meaning: an essential part of our psyche, which we must turn into an ally.”
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Marcela Lobos reminds that the term ego comes from Latin and means self. It entered the current vocabulary thanks to Sigmund Freud “in fact, its translator”, she states. For Freud, the ego has a mediating role between the id, the instinctual part, and the superego, the moral instance of the psyche.
“For Freud, the ego exists to balance the id, that is, our primal instinctual and sexual drives, so that they do not manifest themselves aggressively, illogically, delusionally, or self-destructively”write this.
When morality becomes compulsion
Later, the superego appears: “It develops from an early age as we internalize the moral standards and ideals of our parents and society. This superego acts as a moral compass, guiding our behavior toward acceptable norms and inducing guilt or shame when we violate them. When it becomes too strong, the superego creates anxiety and feelings of inadequacy.”
Thus, the ego becomes the middle ground, the one that makes peace between impulse and consciousness. “It is the part of our personality that deals with conscious decisions, and it is ideal to have a healthy ego that allows a balanced flow between instinct and morality.” notes Marcela Lobos.
If Freud saw the ego as a mediator, Jung offered it another dimension: that of the gateway to consciousness.
“For Jung, the ego is the conscious part of the psyche that organizes our thoughts, emotions, and actions and builds our sense of personal identity. It gives us a sense of self and continuity—it helps us be the same person from day to day. But like a small island in a vast ocean, the ego is only a small part of the whole psyche. The ocean, on the other hand, is what Jung called the Self, and its realization is achieved through the process of individuation, which it involves the integration of all aspects of the personality: shadow, anima/animus, and other unconscious elements.”
The ego as an ally of integration
According to him, in this process of individuation and realization of the Self, the ego is the gatekeeper that allows the integration of unconscious contents. “A person with a healthy ego can bring painful or shameful parts of their life to the surface instead of repressing them out of insecurity or lack of self-esteem.”
Marcela Lobos points out that “the purpose of individuation is to expand the island of consciousness so that it encompasses more of the ocean of Self. The more individualized we are, the better we know ourselves and can have more mature and authentic relationships with others.”
The problem arises, she says, “when the ego gets stuck in insecurity and low self-esteem. When it becomes defensive, it feeds anger, jealousy, arrogance, violence, or passive-aggressiveness. At that point, the ego is no longer in the service of the Self, but becomes self-centered, in the service of a narcissistic and self-justifying agenda.”
She believes that we must become friends with our own ego and allow it to feel a healthy level of inner tension in order to avoid being one-sided and blind to what makes us neurotic. “Only in this way can we resolve the conflicts within“, adds Lobos.
For her part, Iolanda Badea, psychotherapist, declares for “Adevărul”: “Self-knowledge is the brick, the foundation on which we can then build, and I strongly maintain that friendship with you is the path to self-discovery and the formation of a congruent, healthy and functional identity today. We develop personally when we know each other, accept each other, are friends, can shake hands with each other at the end of the day and recognize our objective effort, with respect and a kind word, like a friend. Only then can we modify, change, add something to how it's us, when we understand each other on a deeper level, know and accept each other, then change comes.”
What does a healthy ego mean?
According to his statements, the ego represents our self, the conscious and rational part of our personality, which filters instinctive drives (the Id) and mediates the social norms imposed by the Superego. “Practically it represents what we feel, but how we manage to show it to the world around us, an adaptation of the inner self to the outer world. This classification of our personality was made by Sigmund Freud, the ego containing the rational cognitive processes and awareness. People with a healthy ego have a deep knowledge of themselves, recognize their emotions, limits, desires, show empathy, a good ability to make decisions, being able to adapt to unforeseen situations that arise”, she explained.
In his opinion, a dissolved ego is the feeling that you lose your meaning or consciousness, that you no longer recognize yourself and you no longer know who you are. “This loss of identity is deeply unsettling and is found in many mental disorders,” adds the psychotherapist.
“If we strictly refer to the feeling that we have to give up our limits, or our stubbornness, then we can talk about how a healthy ego also includes this adaptive part to society and the external world to which we relate daily. In personal development, the ego reminds us of our limits, but also our resources, and sometimes shows us how far we can go without breaking, up to the limit we can reach without feeling that we have compromised the meaning of our being”. says Iolanda Badea.
A person with an integrated ego, she explains, “recognizes herself in most situations, recognizes her capabilities but also limitations, effort, desires, resources and can dose her energy and effort in such a way that she feels that the work done is meaningful to her, and the actions are congruent with her desires and needs.”
Spirituality without loss of self
“An inflamed ego represents those irascible reactions to a person, the traits that show us that someone is easily irritated and holds very strongly to his own worldview, being more difficult to shape in relation to others. An inflamed ego can represent a rigidity to change and a lower adaptability to new situations.” completes the psychotherapist.
She points out that a spiritual person should always have their own values, resources and capabilities in mind, realizing that “cancellation of personal identity to adhere to an external factor is not a resource”. “Any resource, including spirituality, used in excess becomes a counter-resource. We have to take care of ourselves and constantly check if this practice is still doing us good or if it is starting to change us more than we originally wanted. (…) The ego concept is a dynamic, active process that is based on self-knowledge, so I urge you to check in with yourself from time to time: How does this feel to me? Does this behavior make sense for who I want to be? Is it congruent with my values or not?”, concludes Iolanda Badea.
Beyond Ego: What Remains Unchanged
Writer Deepak Chopra describes the essence of suffering and its connection to self-identity in the book “The Recipe for Ultimate Happiness” (Publishing For You). According to him, no matter how modern life changes, three sources of unhappiness remain the same: fear of change, attachment to the ego, and fear of death.
“To be alive is to fear change, to cling to the ego and its false promises, and to fear the arrival of death.” he writes. “The formula for happiness does not deal with the real evils of human existence, which we all experience.”
Chopra states that all forms of suffering arise from not knowing one's true identity: “Once you experience who you really are, all suffering will end. Your true identity lies in a core of consciousness, beyond mind, intellect and ego.”
He evokes the image of the ancient sages: “In everyone's heart there is a shrine that hides a small candle whose flame is eternal. When you find this flame, you have found enlightenment, and the darkness of doubt, anger, fear and ignorance is dispelled.”
This perspective shifts the emphasis from controlling the ego to overcoming it through consciousness. “What you are transcends space, time, and the law of cause and effect. Your spark of consciousness is immortal. If you know yourself on this level, you will never suffer again.”
Deepak Chopra warns, however, that enlightenment is not a form of isolation, but of fullness:
“Knowing your true identity does not detach you from the fulfillments of everyday life. On the contrary, you now discover the source of all fulfillments.”
In a world in constant motion, the writer offers a simple reflection:
“In a world of constant change, there is something that does not change. Seeing that all change is based on non-change shows you that your existence is rooted in a deeper state of being that never changes.”
For Chopra, enlightenment is precisely about discovering this “ground state,” that inner place where peace, love, and meaning do not depend on validation. “You can say: this is my true self. At that moment, the secret of happiness is in your hands.”
