And contrary to appearances, this is not something extremely complicated. The point is that our behavior means that the other person considers us a competent person, but at the same time warm. In this way, we are assessed as a trustworthy person, but simply human.
In 1966, Elliot Aronson conducted a study, which showed that stumbles or situations in which something does not work out to us make us more attractive in the eyes of others. As part of this study, male sex students listened to video recordings of people who tried to get to the team. They later had to perform with her in a competition. Some candidates made a greater impression, others smaller.
Sometimes it happened that the candidate spilled a cup of coffee on himself. It turned out that students of course assessed those candidates who presented themselves better. But they gave an even better assessment of the one who flooded with coffee.
Schweitzer and Galinsky took a closer look at psychiatrists, whose task is to make people to open and tell about their greatest fears or fears.
A man comes to a psychiatrist
Their former student at a meeting with a new patient did a small experiment: he dropped the pencil, told a little funny joke or poured some coffee on himself.
His patients were probably impressed by diplomas that hung on the wall, which were proof of competence and authenticating him. His goal was now to show that he is simply a man like them. This combination of competences and human reflexes was to make patients receive it as a trustworthy person.
Image management a karaoke
This technique also works in a business environment. Schweitzer and Galinsky describe in their book an example of an American engineer who worked at Japanese. He was frustrated that when he was to take part in the conference, he received the status of a guest. Only when he came out with his colleagues from work one evening at Karaoke, he began to be treated like the rest of the band.
The authors of “Friend and Foe” argue that extremely competent people can make them seem closer to others and inspire trust – They will achieve this goal, sometimes behaving not very seriously or clumsy.
“The effectiveness of this strategy refutes the myth that trust is something that is gained slowly and gradually – over time” – write the authors. “When we show that we are human, we can build trust in a shorter time than the one you need to clean the spilled latte.”
Competences first, then the human side
However, the problem is to show our human side only after we present our competences. Otherwise this method does not work.
Sometimes you can also overdo it and ruin the image in the eyes of the other person. For example, a surgeon cannot drop tools and show that he is clumsy.
To sum up: if you want these people to trust, first impress them with their knowledge and abilities, and then show that you are a man, just like them.
Note from the publisher: The above article was originally published in February 2017 and was updated.
